Feature Family of the Week: The Foster's

The Fosters are a great family full of giggles and fun!  They have five children, and are excited to add more love into the mix with a new baby!  The Foster's have a great video showing the love and fun that you can find under their roof. 




They have some neat fundraisers on their blog too, go check them out at http://frogmama.blogspot.com/. 

 

As we kick summer off, lets KICK START their fundraising!  You know what to do!! Click the link below to back their adoption fund, send them $1!

Featured Family of the Week: The Robison Family

Together over the past week, our Featured Family, the Caulks raised over $1,000 with the help of the give 1 community towards their adoption expenses! We have a new family we will be featuring from now until Christmas. In the meantime, if you would like to be one of Featured Families of the Week, please drop an email to Bonnie at onesweetworld67(at)gmail(dot)com for an application. We will be back after Christmas to feature some new families who need a little boost to bring their children home. In the meantime.....

Meet our new Featured Family of the Week....The Robison Family!

For the next two weeks, I'd like to introduce the Robison Family to you. This amazing family is hoping to complete a second embryo adoption. This is our first family we have featured that is in the process of completing an embryo adoption, so if you are confused about what exactly this is or why a family would choose this route to create their family.....check out Shannon Robison's info page here.

Rhea and Shannon Robison have been married for over twenty years and are parents to five children. The Robisons have known that adding children to their family through adoption was something they wanted to do. They first pursued domestic infant adoption and international adoption before moving to embryo adoption. Their daughter, Sarah, who was adopted through embryo adoption, was born in 2011. Now the Robison Family is hoping to add one more to their family through a second attempt at embryo adoption.

Like domestic and international adoption, embryo adoption requires a homestudy and background checks. It requires a "match" with birthparents. The journey to adopt an embryo requires much waiting, paperwork, and financing. At Give1, we'd like to help the Robison's move a little closer to the reality of adding their newest little one to their loving family by raising funds during the Christmas season.

Please take a minute to check out the Robison's amazing AMAZING video below that they put great work into. In their video they explain additionally why they have chose to advocate for those pursuing an embryo adoption.

"Well, a couple of months ago, our teenaged boys and their friends from church decided they wanted to produce a video as a gift to their family and to their future adopted brothers and sisters. They spent weeks planning and many hours filming, editing, composing, recording, eating not so healthy munchies, editing some more, and though they did not procrastinate, worked on the project until just hours before the deadline. Always smiling, even through sagging eyelids, these young men came with their Christmas offering. 

We pray that you are blessed by their efforts." ~ The Robison's

Robison Adoption Give 1 Save 1 from R&S Robison on Vimeo.

For the next two weeks we will be featuring The Robisons and we ask that our Give1 community donate $1 (or more) towards their adoption costs. You can donate to the Robison Adoption Fund by clicking the donate button below. Additionally, the Robison Family asks for prayer in this process as well as your social donation of sharing their message.

To find out more about the Robison Family and embryo adoption, you can check out their blog, Room for More Kiddos as well as their info page, What is EA?

From Open to Closed

Just another reminder to check in and meet our cute little Family of the Week, the Caulk Family! If you haven't yet donated your $1 this week, we sure would love it if you followed the link on their post to donate to help bring home their newest little one. Next, we have a featured post from Jennifer discussing her family's pursuit of an open adoption.

When we first signed up with our agency, we told them that our preference was to have a semi-open adoption, with all contact with the birth family to go through the agency.  After we were matched with our first expectant mother, we found our views changing.  As we got to know her, we could see her in our life, texting, sending emails, etc.  Though that match failed, our feelings toward an open relationship didn't, and we changed our status with the agency.

When we were matched with Isaac's birth parents, we met them later that week at a restaurant for a long lunch.  We talked a lot, and part of it was about communication expectations.  We told them we were open to have communication with the directly, but also agreed to send letters and pictures to the agency several times during his first year.  They were in a time of transition, and were going to move states within months of Isaac's birth, so everything going to the agency was the best solution for them.

We didn't see either of them again until Isaac was born, and even then we only saw his birthfather briefly, while he stood in the hallway waiting for the nurses to take her to recovery after the c-section.  Once they went to court to have their parental rights terminated, we were able to take physical custody of Isaac, but still couldn't leave the state while ICPC was getting approved.  We talked to the social worker, and asked her to pass on our willingness to meet with them before we left for home.  They decided not to meet with us, so our next contact was the letter we sent to the agency, one month after placement.

We've written four more letters.  All of them are sitting at the agency.  Unrequested.  We'll continue to write letters, until he's 18 if we need to.  We want Isaac to know we've tried to open communication, so that he could have a relationship.  That was our promise to him the day they put him in our arms, that we would always support a relationship with his birth family.

We've found out through looking at their facebook pages that they indeed did move, called off their engagement, and his birthfather moved back home.  We've struggled with the decision to contact them on facebook through a message, but what do we say?  How do we not pry or offend them?  How do you gently try to open up a relationship, for the sake of your child?  And if it doesn't work, how do you explain it to them when he gets older? 

For now we just wait, undecided on what to do, and wonder if this closed relationship will ever be open.  

Book Review: Adoption is a Family Affair

One thing I looked for when I was beginning the adoption process was books… lots and lots of books on adoption.  So this post will be a review about a book that I really liked. My guess is that people will either love it or hate it. The book is "Adoption is a Family Affair" by Patricia Irwin Johnston. I had read on a blog somewhere that the adoptive family bought this book for every member in their extended family. I was curious, so I ordered one off of Amazon (because Barnes and Noble severely lacks adoption books in my town).

The book is very thin and a quick read. The book spends a lot of time discussing fears that family members may have when an adoption occurs, such as: race, disability, open adoption, cost, wait, and many other topics. It more importantly discusses things that should NOT be said to the parents.  Some chapters you'll be able to skim right over because they will not apply to your particular situation, while other chapters you'll want to photocopy and mail out to everyone you know.

Overall, I thought this book was very good for my family in-particular because we have not dealt with an adoptive situation on my side, although my husband’s  family had.  (But they still got a copy also!) Along with this book we sent a "Family Letter" indicating how we got to the point of adoption (our families were not told about our fertility issues for a long time) and how we intended to raise and educate our daughter in relation to her adoption. It was important for us to indicate to our families that WE would decide what she would know and when, and that we wholly expected them to abide by our wishes (although I did not think it would be a problem... just an "in case" clause of sorts). I find that anything that educates my family and friends about adoption is a plus, and I'll gladly get the information to them.

This book is also good for those thinking about adoption. It raises questions that your family members may have about the situation that you might not have considered. Adoption is a big change for everyone involved, and this book attempts to serve as a guide through some of the potential problem areas.  The world of adoption can be very confusing for those on the outside – this book helps to make the path a little clearer.

(I was not compensated for this review… I just really liked the book and found it helpful.)

National Adoption Month

As we begin November, we leave all the pink ribbons behind in October.  Everyone knows what they represent and honor.  You can buy you're cereal with a pink ribbon on it, and even the NFL players are willing to wear pink one day a month.   Now that the month is behind us, the pink doesn't seem to be plastered everywhere.  However, do you know that November is known for something too, it's National Adoption Month.

There was quite the conversation that many of my friends on Twitter had.  Many of them had been touched by adoption, either as an adoptive mother or a birth mother.  It was during that conversation that my opinion about this being a 'special adoption month' changed.  Many times, this month is seen as a celebration, however this celebration often leaves out one critical part of the adoption triad.  Though the adoptive parents are beyond thrilled to celebrate the addition's to their family, it ignores the third side of the adoption triad, the birth families.  Though they may celebrate the life their child has, their pain and grief are mostly ignored for this month.

Our family has chosen not to celebrate this month anymore than we celebrate each day Isaac is in our life.  Instead, our goal is to bring awareness to all the many different aspects and types of adoption.   Though our family chose to adopt domestically through an agency, there is also foster to adopt, and kinship adoption, and private adoptions that happen.  These are each important and special types of adoption, often clouded by assumptions and misinformation by the general public.

As we go through this month, I think of Isaac's birthmother.  She's on my mind often, but the frequency increases when he hit's milestones and around holidays.  I think of how no one in her family knows what a brave woman she is, putting her son's life above her own feelings.  The only person that knows about the adoption is Isaac's birthfather, who lives several states away from her.  I often pray that the hurt and grief will become lessened  and that she will be able to find joy, no matter how small, in Isaac's life.  Though we don't have contact with his birth family at this time, I am lucky to know several birth moms.  They have each opened my eyes to the daily struggle and joy that they feel.  I am grateful for my friendship with them, because  they have made me much more aware and sensitive to the third, and often forgotten, side of the adoption triad.  

May you think of them too, and honor them with me.

The Box in the Closet

Searching for my winter sweaters the other day, I came across a box I threw in the back of the closet of old prescriptions, boxes of syringes, and small clear glass vials. The box contains a red medical-grade syringe "sharps" container, full to the brim. It contains a variety of little glass vials both empty and still full.

Keeping a box of old syringes in a closet probably isn't the safest thing in the world, especially when you live in a home with three toddlers. I can't imagine throwing it out. I'm even pretty sure if we moved into a new home tomorrow, next year, or years down the road....the box would follow us to our new home and into the back of a new closet again.

I remember a long time ago when the box was new. I remember walking out of a pharmacy with all of those same syringes and vials and pills new in their packages carried in two large grocery bags. A receipt a mile long trailed behind me. The brown paper bags contained all my hope, right there wrapped up in a convenient package. I didn't know at the time that all my hope at the time might have been in those bags - but my future was not with it.

The box reminded me of how elusive parenthood was for a very long time and how, at the time, I would have never predicted the three littles under our roof today.

Someday I'll share with my kids the story of our family in it's entirety. That story includes how difficult it was for us to conceive. The importance of sharing this truth with our children someday may help them understand our re-directed passion in fighting for them, our willingness to let go of one dream and begin with another, and why adoption became the heart of our family. I hope my daughters can also understand a woman's worth should never be placed on if she can carry her own children.

Parenthood is a blessing, not one that everyone gets to experience, and never to be taken for granted.

The box reminds me of that. So for now, in the closet it stays.

Managing the Chaos - Life with Three Toddlers

I am new to this whole parenting thing.

There are days when I feel like a total failure. Days when, at dinner time, I look in the fridge and declare it's "breakfast for dinner night" and we eat scrambled eggs and cereal. Days Weeks were I let the laundry pile up and I can't muster the strength to go through it all. Days when my patience is thin and nap-time seems far away.

I'm learning.

One thing I have learned from parenting is to let some things go. As a type-A personality, I want things immediately. It's all or nothing. I've come to realize that life with three toddlers, life post-adoption, does not always go as planned.

It's easy with three kids around the same age to group them as 1. I find myself lumping them together for some things. Let's all watch Elmo. Everyone takes a bath. Jammie time for everybody. You want a snack? Everyone gets a snack. I find, although, the more I lump them together in things the more I don't realize their differences. Sometimes, in the rush to get things done and accomplished, I forget to slow it all down and look at who they are becoming. Noticing their differences.

My youngest girl, for example, just started loving Sesame Street. She has a strong personality and she wants things her way all the time - which is hard, when you're the smallest. She hates getting her hair done but she loves dressing up. I just recently found out she loves painting.

My only boy loves to cuddle. He lugs around a pink bunny rabbit which is actually his sisters but he claimed it as his own. He won't sleep without it. If he is away from his twin sister for even a little bit, he will greet her with a big hug. He struggles with nap-time and bedtime. He loves to play cars but also loves to play with baby dolls.

My oldest girl loves to sing and dance. She recently is totally into Disney princesses. She has a sweet tooth like her mom and loves to spend time with her dad in the vegetable garden. She loves to point out airplanes in the sky and she sings at the top of her lungs in the car during the morning ride to the sitters.

In playing off of their individuality, I've realized that each one of them needs and deserves alone time with their mom and dad. It's not just an "adoption thing." Each one of them values and deserves alone time with mom and dad. It doesn't have to be an entire day, but small moments that let them know they are loved and valued as individuals. This probably comes as "old hat" to veteran parents, but for me, this was a recent revaluation.

So I'm trying to incorporate more alone time with each of them. Taking my son to the grocery store for a quick errand. Taking my daughter to a movie. Letting the oldest stay up an extra hour or two to watch a show on tv with me. Cuddling with one of them during their nap time. Letting one of them work in the garden with dad for a while.....

These are all things I'm trying to do. They are little things, but I know they mean a lot.

Fostering A Family

"I have seven kids - ages 4-27."

I still think it sounds funny when I say that!

When I was in my 20's I gave birth to four absolutely perfect children.  What more could a mommy want?  Fast forward 10 years - I’d been a single mom for a bit and I met a wonderful man with no children.  He was willing to be a step-dad to my four.  What more could a mommy want?  As my four grew up, I couldn't shake the desire to raise my husband’s children - but I’m not able to carry any more.

At first we were infant adoption all the way.  We got all the paperwork and I started thinking about the fact that there’s a waiting list for newborns.  People are lining up for them.  Because I’d already had newborns I didn't feel that need and frankly, as an older mom I didn't know that I had the time to wait.  In foster care, there are literally thousands of children who need homes right now.

We were licensed as foster parents for about a year and a half before we got a placement of siblings whose parental rights were about to be terminated.  It took a year for the adoption to become finalized but as soon as they walked through our front door, they were mine in my heart.

If you've been doing the math, that’s only 6 right?  About a year ago, we learned of a 20 year old young woman who had aged out of foster care without any type of permanency.  She was going to college and working.  We thought it would be nice to help her out.  She ended up needing a place to stay for a few days that summer and she’s been a part of our family ever since.

When I had those four little babies all those years I never imagined my family would end up looking the way it does now.  I've been very blessed!

Worth The Wait

Like most people that look into adoption.....I can't have babies.

We're infertile.

There. I said it. It's in black and white.

For the longest time I couldn't say it. I wouldn't acknowledge it. I thought that if I acknowledged it, maybe it would be true. A definite set in stone sort of thing. A sort of, I have a uterus yet it's just sort of taking up space sort of thing.

Finding out you have infertility is hard. For me, the hardest parts were knowing that I couldn't do something everyone else seemed able to do. I took for granted the times I pushed family planning back in my mind, in our married lives, because we always seemed to have time later for that talk. But once you realize that you want something you can't have, it's like trying to hold onto wet sand.

I spent a long time and a lot of energy trying to hold onto something I never had.

What I want to say today, to those who are still waiting for their children......whether it is from pregnancy, or adoption, or fostering, or surrogacy, or however you are building your family......is that it's going to be worth the wait.

Pregnancy for us - it never happened. Yet the children I have now in our home are loved more than I ever thought I'd have the capacity to love a person. They didn't come into our family in the way I thought we would have created it, yet I know that they came at the exact time we were supposed to meet. I don't mean to take away from the hurts that are caused by adoption, or those from infertility, but I do know that both our our stories merged in a way that allowed all our hearts to mend. There really is no other way I can describe it.

Does my family look like I had pictured it? Absolutely not. I had no idea what was in store for us when we disembarked the fertility roller coaster to pursue adoption. I also had no idea that the first time I would hold my children wouldn't be in a maternity ward.....but in an airport, and on another continent.

I look at my children now, all three of them and I think........I can't believe you're here. I waited for you for so long. I hope you always know how much we hoped for you. All of you. We just didn't know at time time what all the wait was for.

You were totally, absolutely worth the wait.

New Week, New Family! Meet the Sharpe Family!

Meet Dan and Katherine Sharpe who are an adorable and faith filled couple who are waiting on a son or a daughter to add to their family through adoption.

Dan and Katherine have just renewed their homestudy, which means that they have been waiting for over a year to be selected and matched with an expectant mother who would like to make a domestic adoption plan. Waiting is always hard, but Dan and Katherine have been faithful and are prepared to welcome a little boy or girl into their home in His time.

To learn more about Dan and Katherine, check out their cute little video below or their blog over at Waiting For Baby.

We'd love to help the Sharpe Family move a little closer to meeting their child by sharing their story and asking our readers to donate $1 this week, or more, to their adoption fund.

The current running total raise for the Sharpes is $107.31

If you are an expectant mother and would like additional information about the Sharpe Family or to view their personal profile, please contact Kristie Hall via Lutheran Social Services of Minnesota at tel:320 251-7700

Adoption Through Two Generations

This might look like any other family picture to you, grandparents glowing while their child and spouse hold the newest member of their family. And that’s what it is, in essence. My parent’s coming to visit my husband and I right after we got home with our son, Isaac.  However, to me, this picture is so much more.  It’s the happy ending that a mother promised her daughter would come.  

It was the answer to prayers that had been said.  It is the proof that all the tears and longings that those two women had for a family had been worth it.  It shows me how beautiful and wonderful adoption truly is.  

Because, in this picture, there isn't just one adoptive mother, but two.

My parents had been married 17 years when they adopted me.  They had been working with the state (who did all the adoptions at that time), but were actually matched with my birthmother through my Mom’s OB/GYN.  I was born on Saturday, and they got the call to ‘get ready’.  My Mom, Dad, and Grandma went on a shopping spree to prepare for me on Sunday, and my parents brought me home Monday (my Grandma’s birthday!). 

I know my adoption story.  Always have.  My parents started using ‘positive adoption language’ when I was very young, but to them, they were just doing the right thing.  They had no desire to hide anything, just to let me know how loved I was, by everyone involved.  Because I was born in the early 1980’s, it was a closed adoption, and since it was private, my parents got very little information from my birthmothers lawyer.  They knew basic info, height, complexion, age, hair color, eye color, where her family originated from, but nothing much more.   

As I grew older, they shared a bit more ‘age appropriate’ stuff with me, like the fact that my birthfather had been married, but had an affair that I was a product of.  That I have a half brother or sister very close in age, because both his wife and my birthmom were pregnant at the same time.  That the adoption plan my birthmom had made caused quite the conflict in her families relationships.  After that info, there wasn’t much more that they had, and with my records sealed, I would have to wait until I was 18 to try to get more info. 

As we were going through fertility treatments, I asked my Mom how she survived everything.  She had been diagnosed with endometriosis, and wasn’t ever given any treatment options.   I wondered how she made it through all of her friends getting pregnant, the baby shower invites, the newborns in church.  She shared stories, some that made me laugh, and some that made me realize, she knew the exact pain and hurt that I did.  We talked about her never being able to get pregnant, whereas I could get pregnant, but never could maintain the pregnancy.  We decided they each have their own type of pain and sadness.  

It was nice to know, that when I was sad, or depressed, or angry, that I had someone who had been there before that I could talk to.  Friends are great, but nothing beats a Mom who will listen to you, and TRULY understand what you are talking about.

When Travis and I began down the adoption path, we of course bounced a lot of things off my parents.  They had been here before, though we quickly realized our paths were quite different.  Many things have changed in the adoption world, and differences were a surprise to my parents.  As we went through our 8hr+ home study interviews and questioners, my Mom dug out their 2 page report that their social worker had written saying they were fit to have a child in their home.  As we agonized over our profile book, my Mom wondered how much my birthmother knew about them before she placed me with them.  When we were nervously driving the 8 hours to go meet our son’s birthparents, she told us she would never have had enough courage to do that.  While we were holding our son minutes after he was born, she wondered if she would have had the strength to do that, knowing that the placement might not happen. 

For us, each of those steps was just one more thing we had to do to bring Isaac home.  We really had no choice in most of them, because many agencies have similar requirements.  Just like, 29 years ago, my parents did what they had to do to bring me home, and just like 7years later, they did anything to bring my little brother home.  

Adoption isn’t easy, but you just do whatever you have to.  And the reward is worth it.   

I remember in the days after we got Isaac home, when it was just my Mom with us, she stood in my bathroom with me as I was holding Isaac and put her arms around both of us and cried.  After so many years of sad tears, from both of us, these were tears of joy.  

In that moment, she embraced her life, and how it had been blessed by adoption.  Through two generations.

The Kindness Snowball

I am guessing that you have probably seen the movie, Pay it Forward? It's one of my favorite movies. Mostly because of Kevin Spacey (love me some Spacey). But also because of the message. One person helping another who helps another etc etc until we all feel all mushy inside from all the helping and the kind and the smoosh.

Peace. Love. Happiness.

It all sounded great when I was watching that movie. I'd love to do more. Be more. Be better than I am. It's something to strive for, to try and connect with others on a deeper level. To give back not because you are getting something in return, but because you need to. It's a calling.

When we were in the process of adopting our first time, I was contacted out of the blue by a friend who had read our story. At the time, I was blogging about our journey through infertility as well as domestic adoption. She had read about all our ups and downs, which I had put bravely out on the page as a release.

She had read it all and, being a parent through domestic adoption herself, sat down and began writing us checks. Although she didn't know us at all and we've never met in person, this lady began writing checks to our family's adoption fund to help bring our daughter home.

Not only that, but we also began getting check in her mother's name, which meant she had shared our story and her mother had begun helping us fund raise as well. From across the miles, two women in Florida now began contributing to our adoption fund. From Florida a few hundred dollars turned into a few thousand dollars donated by this family we had never met.

When it came time for our daughter to arrive, we were surprised to find things bought off of our baby registry and delivered to our house. A stroller frame. A luxury diaper bag. All things we were not expecting in the least and most certainly not from a family we had never met!

A large part of our daughter's story was that this family helped us bring her home. Not because they knew us but because we had never met at all. They knew what it was like to sit and wait and be completely helpless during the grey period between when the hope of a child enters your heart until the time they are placed in your arms. We were exhausted and completely overwhelmed financially, emotionally, spiritually, and this family took it upon themselves to make themselves a blessing to us.

Their kindness snowballed after that. I remembered that family when I began working on our first ever Run for Congo Women here in our home city in 2011. Together with other runners and volunteers, we raised over 6K for Congo by putting on a 5K. During that time I thought of our friends in Florida who had helped us bring our daughter home and I thought the kindness they showed to us I MUST keep it going. I felt driven to bless others the way we had been blessed, and raising the 6K was just one way we could.

So we went on and sponsored a woman through Women for Women International for a year. And this was ANOTHER way we felt we could extend the kindness and blessings shown to us...................

We helped kids at a local school raise over $500 to donate to a homeless family for Christmas so they could have essentials and gifts under a tree.................

I began working with my friend Beth in creating a Give1Save1 site for domestic families to raise money for their own adoptions.....................

We pulled together a truck full of donations when a tornado hit our friends' hometown of Henryville, Indiana so that families could have the essential they needed when their homes were destroyed............

We began sponsoring a child through Tunaimi, a 1 year old, who was abandoned due to her family being unable to feed her due to extreme poverty. Our family began helping to make sure she was fed and taken care of on the other side of the world in Goma, DRC.................

When my husband was given a choice to take a bonus at his job, or to donate the money to a charity of his choice, for his 10 year anniversary at his company we decided to donate it to Tunaimi to pay for the tuition for children to attend school in eastern Congo...............

These are just a few things that we have been working on paying this kindness forward. This family in Florida, who we have never even met, has pushed us into new territory to actively seek out new ways to be present and willing to help others in their needs as well.

Featured Family of the Week: The Hahn Family!

Meet our new featured family of the week, the Hahn Family!

Luke and Angie are from Iowa and have always felt lead to adoption. Luke and Angie have been married 8 years and have been through a lot in just that short time. After Luke was involved in an auto accident, they decided with each other that they would choose adoption to create their family. Little did they know that God had another idea in store! They were soon blessed with a beautiful son and daughter but they never forgot their promise to continue to pursue adoption.

This cute little family of four is now waiting to be matched with an expectant mother who chooses their profile. They have been waiting for a match almost for one year to be selected and they are ready and prepared to welcome a new son or daughter into their home.

Check out their video below and learn more about their lovely family.....



This week we can support the Hahn Family in two ways. First, prayer for them as they wait to be selected by an expectant mother and for God to give them strength and wisdom in that process. Second, consider donating just $1 this week to help the Hahn Family with the expenses that come with adoption which will also help ease their wait.

Let's help the Hahn's get a little bit closer to completing their adoption dreams. :)


If you are an expectant mother interested in contacting the Hahn Family, you can do so through their adoption agency, Abba Adoption at 866-721-1551 http://www.abbaadoption.com/birth-mother.html

Give 1 Domestic Adoption Blog Hop

Okay, to be honest we stole this cute idea from our friends over on our Give1 Caribbean page. We do not have a family to feature this week so we will be posting as usual and sending out applications to those that contact us! Please let us know if we can assist you with raising funds for your domestic adoption! So far we have raised over $1700 for just TWO FAMILIES!!!!


Just what is the Give1Save1 Domestic blog hop?  It's a simple way to share your personal blog with others, check out other blogs and simply connect with families who are going through a similar process as you.  At the end of the week we will have a collection of blogs to read through.  The more involvement we have and word spreads, the more blogs will be added. It will be so much fun to read some new blogs and encourage new adoption friends throughout their journey to their precious little ones!


So here are the simple rules:




<img border=”0″ src="img src="http://i897.photobucket.com/albums/ac178/bennettjacob/G1S1DomesticButtonBH.jpg" /></a>

• You must have a blog about domestic adoption to participate in this blog hop.
• Enter your blog address below in the space provided as well as the blog name.
• The blog hop will go on for one week so you are able to add your blog address until next Monday (Aug. 13th). After that, readers will still be able to find your blog address here on this post, but no more submissions will be allowed after the 13th.
• Spread the word! Create a post on your blog about the blog hop so your readers can find a great collection of adoption blogs and be sure to include the link to this specific post.
• Check out the other blogs listed. Click around and leave comments for people who have linked up their blogs. You can let them know you found them through the blog hop. If it's successful, we can do more blog hops in the future.

Our hopes are that this fun little blog hop will further connect our domestic adoption community. I'd also love to read about each of your families and what your adoption process has been like. Hopefully many families participating in the hop will be represented by Give1Save1 in the weeks and months to come.

What is Open Adoption: One Birthmom's Perspective

Our submission today is by Monika, who blogs at Monika's Musings. Monika became a birthmom at 34 years old.  She currently lives near Tacoma, WA, with Nick, her partner and daughter’s birthdad.  They enjoy an open adoption with their daughter and her parents, who live near Portland, OR. Monika will be blogging on occasion at Give1 to help give a valuable birth parent perspective for our domestic page. 

What Is Open Adoption?

I’m unsure how much education those of you who are reading this have had on adoption.  Education requirements about the types of adoption seem to vary from state to state and even agency to agency.  I know a lot of birth mothers were sold open adoption as a fix for the grief inherent in adoption, but most of the adoptive parents I know, including my daughter’s parents, educated themselves in addition to the classes required by their agencies.  It is my hope that this article will help to eliminate any possible confusion you might have.

Those of us living in open adoptions have a hard time defining exactly what an open adoption can be.  The simplest way to define open adoption is that the biological parent(s) and the adoptive parent(s) have a relationship after the birth and relinquishment of the child, for the benefit of that child.  This relationship can entail letters, phone calls, emails, visits, or a combination of those.  People entering into an agreement to continue the relationship do not have to commit to all forms of contact.  There is flexibility depending on the comfort levels of the people involved.  In my own adoption situation, we committed to update letters sent through the agency 4 times a year and visits at a neutral location a few times a year.  We communicate more than that now and most adoption situations that have started with less openness have become more open as the relationship evolves.

Some pros in open adoption include:

• The “birth mom” is not scary because she is known.  People tend to have fears in adoption because nothing but basic information is known about the child’s family of origin.  There are fears that the child’s birth mom will come and steal the child, which are proven unfounded if an actual relationship exists.

• The adoptive parents having access to more than the child’s history of diseases means that the parents have a greater knowledge and greater ability to predict what behaviors the child might develop.  A parent raising a biological child is able to predict possible behaviors because they know their child’s biological family.  Adoptive parents don’t have the capability of prediction or behavioral recognition without consistent contact with the child’s birth family.  My daughter’s mother has said on many occasions that both she and my daughter’s father love having a relationship with their daughter’s birthfather and me because they can see where their daughter gets her “quirks.”

• Because the child knows both sets of his parents, he or she doesn’t feel like it’s a betrayal of his parents when he or she develops natural curiosity about his or her roots.  The inherent curiosity about more than just his or her biological history of disease has been reflected in many adoptees, whether from open or closed adoption situations.

There are no “cons” in open adoption, per se.  Since the entire idea behind open adoption is to benefit the adopted child, which it does, it’s hard to see negatives in the situation.  However there have been some arguments against open adoption.

I heard a story of a hopeful adoptive parent that told a birth mother panel she was attending that she wanted a closed adoption so she wouldn’t have to “deal” with the birth family.  Unfortunately what this hopeful parent was denying is the fact that she’ll always have to deal with the birth family in the form of that child whether the adoptive family has any direct contact with the birth family or not.  Biology cannot be erased by a legal transfer of parenting duties from the birth family to the adoptive family.

It can be hard to trust, which is essential to the building of any relationship, most especially an open adoption relationship.  A mother who is considering adoption experiences the difficulty of trust.  She has to pick a set of parents to whom she will entrust her child.  That is a great sacrifice and requires a large amount of trust that the parents she’s chosen will treat her child better than she feels she can treat him or her.  A mother relinquishing to adoption can easily understand the fear of building a relationship with someone you barely know as we do that when we entrust you with our children to raise as your own.  An adoptive parent has to trust that not only will the new birth parent not destroy the relationship we’ve created but we will continue to verify that same relationship with our words and actions.  When a birth parent relinquishes and has chosen the person or people she feels will do the best job raising her baby, she doesn’t want to break up that relationship.  I know that we’ve all heard the nightmare stories of birth parents working to destroy a family.  However, all of the birth mothers I know would never even think of taking their child from his or her parents.  It doesn’t make sense to us.  We relinquish for the benefit of our children, not for our benefit.  We choose our child’s parents because they can provide things that are important to us for our child to have.  When our child gets those things, we’re not going to try to take those things away.

There is an argument that a child growing up in an open adoption won’t know his or her parents.  My daughter knows who her parents are.  She calls them Mom and Dad, and she calls her birth father and I by our first names.  She knows that Mom & Dad provide her food, comfort, a place to sleep, and lots of love.  She knows that her birth parents are people that love her and visit occasionally.  When she gets older she will know that she came from us.  But that won’t change her love for her parents, nor will it cause her confusion.  I’ve never heard it said that more information about anything causes confusion, and an open adoption situation gives the child and his or her parents more information.

There are more arguments against an open adoption which I hope to address at a later date.  But I also hope that this might give you a different point of view on the possibility of having an open adoption when you adopt.

How a Closed Adoption is Opening My Eyes

When I started on the path to adoption, I did not know if I wanted an open, semi-open, or closed adoption.*  My gut was telling me that I wanted a closed adoption because of all the horror stories that were being disseminated by those with zero knowledge of adoption.  Specifically, the stories concerning an open adoption included the birthparents either (a) coming to my house to take my child in the night; (b) coming my house at least once a week confusing my child; (c) convincing my child to go live with them; or (d) guilting me into giving them their every desire because of the gift they gave me.  My rationale/logical mind knew that all of the above was crazy, but my stressed-out/confused/anxious/paranoid self believed it all.  The bad stuff is easier to believe than the good sometimes, especially when it comes to adoption.

Well, as it turned out, the decision was not mine to make.  The birthmother wanted the adoption closed.

I had limited knowledge of our birthmother, her circumstances, or her appearance.  One thing I did know, however, is that we lived in the same city.

I received the call that she was going to deliver, so my husband and I rushed to the hospital.  I knew her mother would be there, and maybe some friends, but I had no idea who they were.  Every person that walked by was scrutinized… “Is that her mom?”  “Is that her friend?”  “Is that the birthfather?”  (By the way, the scrutinization of every almost ever person never goes away when you live in the same town as the birthparents.)

For months after her birth, I stared at my daughter wondering where her long eyelashes came from, her fair hair and skin, her grin, her eye color, her appetite and her height.  When you have an open adoption, you have the answer to most of those questions; but in a closed adoption, you have very few answers, if any.

Speaking of answers, that is what my daughter is going to be wanting in a few years.  “Who is my birthmother?”  “Who is my birthfather?”  “Why am I tall?”  “Why did they place me for adoption?” “Why? Why? Why?”  I may have a few answers and educated guesses – but the people with the true answers will be virtually unavailable.

The situation I thought I wanted is starting to seem the most precarious.  I would love to be able to tell our birthmom how beautiful our daughter is, how smart, funny, and talented she is.  I’d love to see their resemblance, and have my daughter see it, too.  I’d love to know if they have the same laugh, sense of humor, taste in food.  I’d love to be able to get the answers to the questions that are going to be inevitable.  I’d love… I’d love… I’d love…  But you know the thing I would love the most?  To be able to thank her for the most loving and selfless thing a woman could ever do.  To thank her for making my life complete and my heart smile.  And to thank her for making me a mom.

I hope someday to be able to do just that – to thank her.  There is a possibility that we will get to meet our birthmom someday, but that’s another post for another day!


<3 Samantha


*Please note that the use of “I” in this post is for ease of writing only… my husband had a 50% say in what happened throughout our adoption process!

New Family of the Week: The O'Brien Family

Greetings friends! We start our new Family of the Week on Sundays here at Give1Save1 Domestic! We are overjoyed to introduce you to this week's family, the O'Briens!




This cute little couple is patiently waiting to be chosen and matched with an expectant mother who would like to make an adoption plan. They are "paper ready", which means they have taken many classes, had their home study completed, and their profile is ready to be seen. This amazing couple is ready to become a mommy and daddy. Go ahead and check out their video!





Not to mention, this week some friends of the O'Brien family are throwing in some sweeeeeeeeet giveaways for those that donate this week. Check it out!

• Their friend Aubrey giving away a dozen cookies from her Etsy shop at http://www.facebook.com/#!/ParadiseSweetsHawaii. Her cookies ARE AMAZING!  Seriously, they are addicting & she is so talented. For every five dollars donated your name will be put into the raffle & at the end of next week we'll pull a name and ship to the winner!
• We also have Stacey at Hope Handmade  http://www.facebook.com/#!/hopehandmade giving away a $15 credit to her shop.  Her products are beautiful. Also, the proceeds from her shop go to help raise money for their adoption costs, too!  Nice!  She will be doing the same thing as well, for every $5 donated your name will be put in for this prize & at the end of the week, we'll pick a separate winner for this giveaway!
• aaannnd...finally, a $20 Starbucks giftcard has been donated for a giveaway.  Yay!  We'd like to do something different with this one....for everybody who SHARES their video via twitter, Facebook or their blog, they will be entered in.  Share all three & they will have three entries.  All they have to do is leave a comment for Ashley on her blog under any post how they shared & the link and they have a chance to win. =)

To help support Ashley and Matthew on their adoption journey, please take a minute and click here to donate $1 this week towards their adoption fund. Please share their story and video with others in order to get the word out to support this couple and their adoption dreams.

Ashley and Matthew, we hope that you have an amazing week!


Current Update 7/30 - Total Donated So Far is $592.81!!! Go go go go O'Brien Family and Friends!

Family of the Week Update and Totals

Hi all! Thank you once again for being here for our first official week on Give1Save1 Domestic! We have kicked off our new fundraising sites for Asia and the Caribbean as well.  Click on the interactive world map to access the other sides of Give1Save1.

Now an update on our family of the week. If you or someone in your family has adopted domestically, you know what a roller coaster of a ride it can be at times. Our family of the week, the Saubers Family, has had a hard time this week with some personal issues within their adoption plan. Although we won't share details, they could use prayers currently during their adoption wait. You can drop by their blog here and tell them you are sending prayers and positive thoughts their way.

The Saubers Family is passionate about the adoption of children with special needs, specifically Downs Syndrome as well, and we are happy that we have been able to raise over $1,186 with your help this week for just that! This will hopefully help the Saubers with their adoption fund towards a child with special needs.

Stay tuned for tonight's post on our new domestic family of the week. As always, if you would like to be featured as a family of the week please drop an email to onesweetworld67 at gmail dot com for an application! We'd love to help you get the word out about your adoption and help support you!

Semi Open Adoption: From My Perspective

Today's post comes from Brandi who has adopted both internationally and domestically and is one of our Give1 Domestic bloggers. Her blog home is at www.ourcongojourney.blogspot.com

Every domestic adoptive family has to make a life changing decision in their adoption process. Most adoptive parents leave this choice to their children's biological parent/parents.

Ever hear of closed adoption...semi-open...open adoption and wonder what this means? Here is the definition of semi-open adoption I found online:

*Semi-Open Adoptions: A form of adoption that is intentionally designed to be a combination of a more traditional closed adoption and a more progressive open adoption, with the emphasis being on the "privacy" of all parties, rather than on "confidentially." Direct communication after the adoption is more limited, in the fashion that is agreed by the parties to be beneficial for everyone. Last names, addresses, and telephone numbers are usually not exchanged, while the sharing of photographs or other information for an agreed frequency and duration is common. All communication takes place through a third party, which is usually an adoption agency, an adoption attorney or a designated intermediary.

A semi-open adoption is the type of adoption we have with our son's biological mom. We wanted a completely open adoption, but we also wanted to respect our son's biological mom's choice and so we let her choose. While our situation with our son's biological mom is not exactly the same as the definition above we went with what we were most comfortable with and it works for us.

At first when we received the call she wanted a closed adoption. By the time we were ready to leave the hospital she changed her mind and chose a semi-open adoption. It's important that every family chooses the right decision for them. Semi-open adoption gave us (the adoptive parents) the option to be as open as possible to D (our son's biological mom) while also giving her the option to be as open or as closed as she wants. We agreed to exchange phone numbers, email, and her address as well as our Po Box, send her pictures and updates a few times a year because that is what we were comfortable with doing. She agreed to accept these updates, but at the same time she can choose to open those updates when and if she is ready. This works for our family. I love our semi-open adoption with D. She is an incredible woman and someone I want my son to be proud to have as a biological mom. She is a very special part of him and that is why I love her so much. She took care of him and herself for the 9 months he spent in her womb. She also made the best decision she could for him. I've always thought highly of mothers who are able to put their children and their children's needs before their own. That's what D did for our son.

I know that not every situation is like ours. Ultimately in making the decision closed, semi-open, or open adoption you should first think about your child/children. What is best for them? For example: D is not a bad example for our son. She is an incredible woman and when my son meets her I hope he sees D as a hero. She is someone I don't mind him looking up to because I know she wouldn't be a bad example for him. A friend of mine adopted a sibling group (2) through foster care. After the adoption was final she made every attempt to keep it open for as long as she could, but a few months later she had to sever ties with their biological mom because she was being a bad example. It was a painful decision for my friend to make, but she made the best decision she could during that time. She hopes that their biological mom will become the example their children need her to be, but until then the adoption is closed with hopes that eventually it can be opened again.

As a potential adoptive parent you should not agree to an open or semi-open adoption in an attempt to get a baby. I've heard of some adoptive parents agreeing to an open or semi open adoption with their biological child's mom and then when their child was born they closed it for no reason other than just agreeing to whatever the biological mom wanted before the baby was born so that they could get a baby. This is NOT right and if you don't think you can handle an open or semi open adoption then do NOT agree to one. This is something very important to discuss with your agency. If you are not open to a semi-open or open adoption then make sure your adoption agency does not show you to potential biological parents who do want a semi or open adoption. It's not fair to them and it's not fair to you.

Family Update: Saubers

Baby Saubers update! 

He's 35 weeks (gestation) today, on day 7 in the NICU and he's doing well! They are going to try feeding today and his numbers are all looking good! Thank you all for your prayers and support for our first family of the week.

A family friend of theirs and fellow adoptive parent, Chrissy over at Injera and Chocolate Gravy, is doing a giveaway!!! For every $5 donated in the adoption fund for the Saubers she is giving away a 4oz Babycake hair and body butter!!! Go 'head and check out her Babycakes store http://shop.lovemybabycakes.com/ and let her know if you make a $5 or more donation this week by dropping her an email at chrissymjensen (at) facebook (dot) com



To learn more about this week's family or to make a donation for their adoption fund, please click here.