My Favorite Book

Have you met our Family of the Week?  Go click over and meet the Foster's and end your Friday by blessing them with $1!

When we started the adoption process, I happened to be working as a long term sub at a local school.  It was a unique school set up due to the students that were enrolled there, so there ended up being 3 programs in one big room (the old library).  One of the programs was run by an adoptive mother.  She had a beautiful little girl, and an open adoption.

The friendship we developed over those 12 weeks has stuck around.  She helped me navigate the adoption questionnaires, gave advice on our profile book, and let me chat her ear off.  She also bought a whole bunch of books for our future child.  One of them was
"God Found Us You" by Lisa Tawn Bergren. 

 

It is probably one of my favorite books in our home, but doesn't get read that often, simply because every time I read it aloud, I end up crying. 

 

Isaac has just begun to understand emotions, and thinks that if there are tears, then you're sad.  The last time I read it to him, I finished the book, and he looked at me and said, "Momma, sad?".

 

I smiled and gave him a hug, reassuring him that no, Momma wasn't sad, but just like Momma Fox in the book, I was the "happiest Momma in the whole world."

 

Feature Family of the Week: The Foster's

The Fosters are a great family full of giggles and fun!  They have five children, and are excited to add more love into the mix with a new baby!  The Foster's have a great video showing the love and fun that you can find under their roof. 




They have some neat fundraisers on their blog too, go check them out at http://frogmama.blogspot.com/. 

 

As we kick summer off, lets KICK START their fundraising!  You know what to do!! Click the link below to back their adoption fund, send them $1!

Featured Family of the Week: The Schoenecke Family

We would like to introduce to you our new featured family of the week, Bryan and Samantha Schoenecke.  

I'll let Samantha tell you a little about their story:

In the fall of 2011 when we had been married for about a year and a half, we both felt like God was speaking to us that it was time to begin having a family.  The timing didn't make complete sense as I had been having some health problems, and we thought that a move might be in our near future, but we trusted God that His timing was/is perfect.  By the summer of 2012, we had had 3 miscarriages and really began to pray about where God would have us go from there.  We saw a specialist wondering if maybe we should do some medical testing, but God made it really evident that we were not to pursue any further testing, at least for right now.  About this same time, a friend of a friend asked us to adopt her beautiful newborn son.  We said, "Yes!" and were so excited to welcome him into our family!  Sadly, after we had loved this sweet boy as our son for 11 days, his mom changed her mind and decided to parent him.  We were heartbroken.  Our time with him did really stir our hearts for domestic adoption though, and after much prayer, we began the home study process officially.  In November 2012, we were matched with a birth mom who was expecting a baby girl.  We spent many long hours getting to know her over the phone and over Skype.  We even made two trips across the country to visit her in person.  After two months, she let us know that she too had changed her mind about her decision.  Now we are waiting to be matched again, and hopeful that our next match will be our precious firstborn baby!  

Even though it has not been an easy journey, God has been so faithful!  This process has really strengthened our marriage and united us as teammates.  We've also both grown so much in our relationships with the Lord and are learning to place our hope in Him rather than in the hope of growing our family.

As the Schoenecke's wait for their match, let's show them love, dollar by dollar.

Fine Line

Have you taken time to meet our Featured Family of the Week, the McMillian Family? They are in process and trying to raise the last remaining funds for their private domestic adoption. Please pop on over when you get a chance and donate $1 this week.

I’m blessed to have several close friends of mine that represent the three different sides of the adoption triad- birthmother, adoptive mother, and child.  I find that my conversations that I have with each of them have become more and more valuable as I travel my path as an adoptive mother.

A friend of mine is the adoptive mother of two little girls.  She has fairly open relationships with both of her girls’ birthmothers, and we often talk about how that impacts their lives compared to the completely closed relationship we have with our son’s birth family.  She has fairly regular contact with each birth mother, so is aware of lifestyle choices that are made.

As her oldest daughter is getting closer to an age where she would become more aware of what’s going on in her birth mothers life, my friend struggles with what information to pass on.  Of course, you want your child to have a positive view point of their birthfamily, but what if you make it too nice and cozy?  Are you then setting the situation up for a tween/teenager fight about wanting to go back to live with their birthparents, because they seem so great?  Remember, I WAS that adoptive teenager who wanted anything except my parents house rules, even though I knew nothing about my birthmother, surely she HAD to be better then my parents. 

It’s also difficult to filter out some of the not so great decisions that are made.  I know that both of us have access to pictures/information of our children’s birth parents making less the wise decisions.  In our case, there is drug use, unsafe decisions, and prescription drug abuse documented in an instagram account.  I don’t plan on saving those pictures for Isaac, but those are the choices that are being made at this time, which depending on consequences, might come out eventually.  I dug through both facebook accounts and instagram accounts trying to find pictures that I could save for when he was older to show him pictures of his birth family.  While doing this, I struggled to find ones that I was comfortable with my future toddler and school age child seeing.  There were very few that didn't have drugs or alcohol in them. 

We understand that these are their own lives, and their own decisions, but my friend and I both agree; these decisions influence the amount of contact and type of information we are willing to share as our children grown up.  In this age of technology and ‘connected-ness’, information is so readily available… but what if you aren’t comfortable with all that information?

Featured Family of the Week: The McMillian's

                I'm happy to introduce to you our first family of 2013, Brittany and Christian McMillan.  This amazing couple has been married for 8 years, and cannot wait to grow their family through a private domestic adoption.  They struggled with both male and female factor infertility, but through all the struggles, their desire to parents only burned stronger.  Brittany and Christian were in the process of starting the foster care process when they were lead to this adoption through a relative.   They are currently matched with an expectant mother due in February.  This was a very quick match for them, so they didn't have much time to prepare.  As they wait the final month before delivery, they are working on raising money to pay off the final lawyer bills.  Let's kick off this new year with a bang and show Brittany and Christian how awesome this group of supporters are!

For the next two weeks we will be featuring The McMillian's and we ask that our Give1 community donate $1 (or more) towards their adoption costs. You can donate to the McMillian Adoption Fund by clicking the donate button below. Thanks so much!

Featured Family of the Week: The Robison Family

Together over the past week, our Featured Family, the Caulks raised over $1,000 with the help of the give 1 community towards their adoption expenses! We have a new family we will be featuring from now until Christmas. In the meantime, if you would like to be one of Featured Families of the Week, please drop an email to Bonnie at onesweetworld67(at)gmail(dot)com for an application. We will be back after Christmas to feature some new families who need a little boost to bring their children home. In the meantime.....

Meet our new Featured Family of the Week....The Robison Family!

For the next two weeks, I'd like to introduce the Robison Family to you. This amazing family is hoping to complete a second embryo adoption. This is our first family we have featured that is in the process of completing an embryo adoption, so if you are confused about what exactly this is or why a family would choose this route to create their family.....check out Shannon Robison's info page here.

Rhea and Shannon Robison have been married for over twenty years and are parents to five children. The Robisons have known that adding children to their family through adoption was something they wanted to do. They first pursued domestic infant adoption and international adoption before moving to embryo adoption. Their daughter, Sarah, who was adopted through embryo adoption, was born in 2011. Now the Robison Family is hoping to add one more to their family through a second attempt at embryo adoption.

Like domestic and international adoption, embryo adoption requires a homestudy and background checks. It requires a "match" with birthparents. The journey to adopt an embryo requires much waiting, paperwork, and financing. At Give1, we'd like to help the Robison's move a little closer to the reality of adding their newest little one to their loving family by raising funds during the Christmas season.

Please take a minute to check out the Robison's amazing AMAZING video below that they put great work into. In their video they explain additionally why they have chose to advocate for those pursuing an embryo adoption.

"Well, a couple of months ago, our teenaged boys and their friends from church decided they wanted to produce a video as a gift to their family and to their future adopted brothers and sisters. They spent weeks planning and many hours filming, editing, composing, recording, eating not so healthy munchies, editing some more, and though they did not procrastinate, worked on the project until just hours before the deadline. Always smiling, even through sagging eyelids, these young men came with their Christmas offering. 

We pray that you are blessed by their efforts." ~ The Robison's

Robison Adoption Give 1 Save 1 from R&S Robison on Vimeo.

For the next two weeks we will be featuring The Robisons and we ask that our Give1 community donate $1 (or more) towards their adoption costs. You can donate to the Robison Adoption Fund by clicking the donate button below. Additionally, the Robison Family asks for prayer in this process as well as your social donation of sharing their message.

To find out more about the Robison Family and embryo adoption, you can check out their blog, Room for More Kiddos as well as their info page, What is EA?

Closed Adoption and Birthparent Tracing - Jennifer's Story

Have you taken time to meet our Featured Family of the Week, the Caulk Family? They are in process and trying to raise the last remaining funds for their domestic adoption. Please pop on over when you get a chance and donate $1 this week. (Roman thanks you.) Today's blog post comes from Jennifer and offers an adoptee's perspective into reaching out to a birthparent. A huge hug goes out to Jenn for offering us a window into her life to better understand adoption in our own families.

Growing up, I always knew that I would want to find my birthmother. Because of laws in my state I would have to wait until I was 18, but was reassured by my parents that they supported the search.

My 18th birthday came, I moved into a dorm, started college, and broke up with my high school boyfriend. I wasn't ready to bring the emotion it would take to begin the search, and possibly start a relationship. It wasn't until a year later that I was ready to begin the search.

After calls to my parent's lawyer, my birthmother's lawyer, and the state vital records office, I had a plan. My brithmothers lawyer warned me that though she hadn't talked to her in years, I need to be prepared that she wouldn't want contact at all. That was a blow, but I continued on my search.

The state I was born in, New Mexico, didn't allow me access to my records, instead they had 'intermediaries' that had been trained in confidentially practices and how to legally search. We contacted one off the approved list, Linda, and my parents paid her fee. I knew they always supported me looking for my birth family, but them paying the cost for the search showed me how supportive they truly were. After a few weeks, I received a call from Linda saying that she had found my birthmother, so I should begin writing my letter. She explained that this might be the one and only contact I'll ever have with my birthmother, and I need to put the most important information at the top of my letter (opening lines), because she might not read the whole thing.

I wrote several drafts, each one being edited by Linda for confidentiality purposes. I couldn't write "I'm a sophomore at the University of New Mexico", I had to just say I was in college. I thought that was funny, because I WANTED her to find me, why would info about me be an issue?

Every draft began the same way though I just wanted to say thank you. More than anything I needed her to know how grateful I was for the decision she had made. I didn't know much of our story, just that she was young, and had gotten pregnant by an older man, who was married and had a family. I knew she was sent to New Mexico to live with a relative while she was pregnant, and then flew back to New York. I know it caused a rift in her family. I know I was blessed by it.

Linda sent the letter, and a week or so later, she called me saying it did not go over well. My birthmother called her and was very angry she had been contacted. Linda advised me that all hope was not lost, she might calm down and change her mind. I was discouraged, but at least I could say that I had tried.

Several weeks later, I received another phone call from Linda. My birthmother had contacted her again, apologized, and asked for a way to contact me. She preferred email, so I gave Linda my address and anxiously awaited an email.

The first email came later that night, and we corresponded for several weeks over email. She then asked for my number so she could call. I remember I was walking between classes on campus when she called.

We talked for over an hour that first time. Our conversations were a lot asking questions and giving answers on both our parts. Our relationship grew, though there are still trust issues that have had to be overcome.

Going through the adoption process with our son, it made me think of the type of relationship he would have with his birthparents. Would it be though handwritten letters, or more likely, over email and FaceTime?

How has modern technology influenced the relationship with your child's birth families?

Featured Family of the Week: The Caulk Family

Welcome back! I hope that everyone had a restful and relaxing Thanksgiving holiday with their family. I am excited to let you know that I have gotten many emails from those interested in Featured Family applications over the last few weeks. Through word out mouth, Give1 Domestic is starting to grow, which is very exciting! Now that we are off our short break, we will be introducing two new families between now and Christmas as well as some other opportunities for giving this holiday season. First up.........

The Caulk Family

Scott and Dessie Caulk are waiting to adopt an infant domestically. They have adopted once before, bringing home their first son through international adoption from Kazakhstan in October of 2012 after pursing different routes to bring home a brother for their son Roman, the Caulks got word of a domestic match. The child they were matched with is due 1/23/13!!! The family has been feverishly pulling together the funds to pay off their remaining adoption fees. The Caulks still have $15,000 remaining to raise between now and January.

Roman is excited about the newest addition of a little brother and he would like to share with you some ways you can help below....

Let's help Roman out by sharing this link to the Caulk Family Fundraiser!

You can help the Caulk Family by donating $1 to their adoption fund by clicking below, giving a "social donation" by sharing this post through Twitter and Facebook, and praying for the Caulk Family during this last leg of their adoption process.

Click here to donate to the Caulk Family Adoption Fund.

Gifts that Give this Season and a Link UP!

Tis' the season for folks to gather round the table and exchange gifts. If you are among those scratching your heads trying to find gifts for that hard to buy person (*coughmotherinlawcough*) then consider giving them something that they WEREN'T expecting.

A gift that keeps on giving!

Here are few gifts that give back this holiday season to adoptive families and waiting children...........

147 Million Orphans Gear

Head on over to www.147millionorphans.com to check out super soft tshirts, sweats, necklaces, bracelets, water bottles, and coffee mugs. Profits from the sales of 147 gear go back to programs that assist children in Honduras, Uganda, Haiti, Ethiopia, and China. In addition, the founders Gwen and Suzanne  (also adoptive parents) assist families with fundraising for their adoptions by partnering and selling gear to families at a discounted rate for resale to raise money for their adoptions. 

Personally, I own the tee below as well as almost all of their other tees. They are the softest in my entire wardrobe and I basically live in a 147 tee every weekend. Love them.

147 pink Henley - price $34.99

comes in small, med, large, and xl

Just Love Coffee

Founder Rob Webb understands adoption and the need for orphan care - he is an adoptive parent himself. He came up with the idea of pairing struggling coffee farmers in Ethiopia with families needing to raise funds for their adoptions by creating a company called Just Love Coffee. Families are able to sell coffees wholesale to help raise money for their adoptions and farmers in Ethiopia receive fair wages for their beans. Profits from Just Love Coffees go back to supporting families in the adoption process, families adopting special needs children, as well as orphan support programs. Just Love sells various gourmet coffee beans, mugs, tshirts, and other items.

Bags of coffee start at $12.95/13oz

Gifts of Hope

Show Hope is a Christian non-profit that helps provide financial and spiritual support for families in the adoption process as well as support for children who need care in country. This year they have an online catalog called Gifts of Hope in which you can choose to donate towards the program of your choice in someone's name for the holidays. Causes include supporting families who are in the process of adopting domestically or internationally, post-adoption support programs, providing medical care for orphaned children with special needs, or choosing to send money to the cause with the most urgent need. The recipient of your gift will receive a card outlining the cause in which your donation supported.

Donations start at $15

Lifesong Gifts of Purpose 

Along the same line as the last program, the organization Lifesong for Orphans also has a catalog out titled Gifts of Purpose to help sponsor programs in someone's name for the holidays. Gifts include donations towards families adopting domestically and internationally, coffee mugs and tshirts, donations towards feeding and school programs in Honduras and Ethiopia, and many more. You can choose to either purchase a shirt or mug to give, or make a donation in someone's name and present them with a card outlining where the money will go.

Donations vary by cause and program

Now it's YOUR TURN. If you are an adoptive family or a family who is raising money to support orphaned children this holiday season, LINK UP your fundraiser below. It doesn't matter if you are adopting domestically, internationally, or if you are raising money for a feeding program or school uniforms....LINK IT UP! We'd love to see what others are doing this holiday season and get as many gift ideas as we can. Let's continue the season of giving!

*Remember also to share this page with others who are looking for ways to give back this holiday season!

Link up your adoption fundraiser below and share with others!

Happy Thanksgiving!

It's that time of year when we sit back and say thanks for all of the blessings in our lives. This year, we are happy to have all of our children home for the holidays. Although our adoption journey is completed, we are happy to begin all the new adventures involved with parenting our three energetic little toddlers.

I am immensely thankful for the opportunity Beth gave me to spearhead our new domestic blog to help families who are in the process of raising funds for their own adoptions. In this way I'm able to give back to families who are in the process of creating their own families. Give1 was one of things that helped us bring home our own children and I'm more than happy to help other families come together through adoption as well. 

We will be taking a short break for the Thanksgiving holiday from regular posting and we will be back on November 26th with a new featured family of the week.

If you are interested in being a featured family or becoming a regular or guest contributor for our blog, please drop me an email over my break this week. We are always looking for voices from all parts of the adoption triad to contribute.

From our family to yours, Happy Thanksgiving! 

Transracial Parenting - Perceptions vs. Reality

It was a friend who first got me thinking about adopting outside of my race.

Sitting down with her, she asked me if I had considered adopting an African American child. The friend speaking to me, was black herself. And I thought......how do I tell her I'm scared to adopt outside of my race?

Opening up your family to an adoption outside of your race means a few things that you might not have considered when you first began pursuing adoption. For me, it meant that I was going to have to rethink how I had pictured my family in my mind.

I was going to have to realize that there was going to be more to parenting that what I might have intended in the beginning. It meant that I was opening up my family to fierce perceptions from the outside world. It meant that, in just walking by my family, strangers would immediately know our child was adopted. It meant that the things that are passed down through heritage - how you learn to care for your child, would need to be unlearned and relearned for me.

I was scared of how our family would be perceived from complete strangers. I was scared of how I would be perceived by another race. Was I taking care of my child the "correct" way? Could I care for her hair correctly? Skin? Would I be good enough for her that I would not be approached in public and scorned for my lack of knowledge?

My friend got me thinking of the way I pictured our family, and that turned out to be a good thing. We did, in fact, adopt outside of our race not once but THREE times after that conversation. I found out that things like haircare and skincare could be learned. That, like most moms, babies didn't come with a manual and I had time to learn about my child the same way all mothers do - regardless of whether they adopted or birthed their child. I learned that I had time to figure some all things out.

In the meantime, I also learned that there were some things I could never teach my daughter. I could never know, for instance, what it is like to be another race outside of what I am. No matter how hard I try to be the best parent for my kids, I will never be black. I can't be. And therefore, I had to admit that I can't be all things for my children. There will be things I cannot understand and during those times I will empathize and I will make sure that my children have strong black role models and friends they can rely on for those lessons. There will be times I will need to humble myself and turn to a friend and ask for help.

I'm lucky to live in an area in which we aren't perceived much differently. In our community we have families of many colors and types. Our schools, neighborhoods, and workplaces are diverse. We are lucky to have made friends with others who are different races and our children have friends who are black, white, and biracial. I am very glad that they will grow up in a community that supports all families.

In the meantime, we're a family regardless of our colors on the outside. We are learning what it's like to be a transracial family in a world that is becoming increasingly more diverse. I'm incredibly glad that my fears of becoming a mixed race family were absolutely nothing like my expectations.

National Adoption Month

As we begin November, we leave all the pink ribbons behind in October.  Everyone knows what they represent and honor.  You can buy you're cereal with a pink ribbon on it, and even the NFL players are willing to wear pink one day a month.   Now that the month is behind us, the pink doesn't seem to be plastered everywhere.  However, do you know that November is known for something too, it's National Adoption Month.

There was quite the conversation that many of my friends on Twitter had.  Many of them had been touched by adoption, either as an adoptive mother or a birth mother.  It was during that conversation that my opinion about this being a 'special adoption month' changed.  Many times, this month is seen as a celebration, however this celebration often leaves out one critical part of the adoption triad.  Though the adoptive parents are beyond thrilled to celebrate the addition's to their family, it ignores the third side of the adoption triad, the birth families.  Though they may celebrate the life their child has, their pain and grief are mostly ignored for this month.

Our family has chosen not to celebrate this month anymore than we celebrate each day Isaac is in our life.  Instead, our goal is to bring awareness to all the many different aspects and types of adoption.   Though our family chose to adopt domestically through an agency, there is also foster to adopt, and kinship adoption, and private adoptions that happen.  These are each important and special types of adoption, often clouded by assumptions and misinformation by the general public.

As we go through this month, I think of Isaac's birthmother.  She's on my mind often, but the frequency increases when he hit's milestones and around holidays.  I think of how no one in her family knows what a brave woman she is, putting her son's life above her own feelings.  The only person that knows about the adoption is Isaac's birthfather, who lives several states away from her.  I often pray that the hurt and grief will become lessened  and that she will be able to find joy, no matter how small, in Isaac's life.  Though we don't have contact with his birth family at this time, I am lucky to know several birth moms.  They have each opened my eyes to the daily struggle and joy that they feel.  I am grateful for my friendship with them, because  they have made me much more aware and sensitive to the third, and often forgotten, side of the adoption triad.  

May you think of them too, and honor them with me.

The Fundraising Question

Adoption is expensive. Ask anyone that has done one. They will go into figures that they spent on homestudies, expenses for background checks, how they gathered together funds for submitting their profiles, or how they scratched up money for agency fees.

In a non scientific poll I've taken since 2009, which basically includes talking to random people about adoption, I find that many people say they would like to adopt....but don't have the funds to begin. OR they state that they'd love to adopt, but it's too expensive.

In the meantime we have children across the country and the world aging out of foster care. We have children going without food and adequate healthcare. We have children who will transition from foster care to foster care, or orphanage, or group home....who will never know what it's like to have a mother or a father.

And we're worried about the cost.

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After our failed match which was our first, and only, attempt at adopting domestically my husband and I began pursuing international adoption. In doing so we did a few fundraisers. We sold off some items on ebay we didn't really need. We sold coffee. We sold a few flowers. We did some fundraising things here and there...

In the meantime, we took a loan out against our car. Those checks that come in the mail which you can take loans out on your credit card? We maxed out not one but two of our credit cards. All of these things in the attempt to stay on top of agency bills which, in the end, totaled up over $32,000.

Our daughter came home, and we were finally a family of 3. After the adoption we could submit for the tax refund with the IRS to help with the adoption costs. Luckily, my husband also had a small adoption benefit at his work to also support our bills.

But the bills......the bills were large. They were no longer bills from our adoption agency. They were now bills from credit card companies.



I tell you this not to discourage you from adoption. Adoption is how our family was created and for that I am eternally grateful. I tell you this to encourage you to look beyond the expenses. I tell you this because, for the majority of people, there is no stuffed mattress of money or savings accounts to deplete to bring a child into your family and adopt. For the great majority of us in the USA, we are just trying to pay our bills.

It's for those reasons that I tell potential adoptive parents, whether they are adopting from foster care, international adoption, or domestic adoption - to jump in HEAD FIRST into fund raising and adoption grants.

My husband and I, we felt guilty asking others to contribute to our adoption fund. We asked ourselves, should we even fund raise at all? We shuddered at sending out letters of support to our family and friends. We had some people we knew contributed to our adoption fund, and some that didn't contribute at all. Those that couldn't contribute financially, we asked them to provide "social" donations by telling their friends about our fundraisers via twitter, email, or facebook. We had some people participate with that.....and others who didn't. Did we feel guilty? Yes. Did we feel as if we were a burden to others? Yes.

Then I had an awakening. I watched this video by Eric Ludy. The quote that resonated with me is this....

"I was doing some study on Liberia  If you want to be disturbed, start studying Liberia  This four year old boy sitting on the side of a road. No one to comfort. No one to take him in. No shelter. No food. Nothing. So in the middle of that night, I wake up. It's like God had already deposited a question that was waiting to meet me when I popped awake at 2 in the morning. I had this picture of this little boy in Liberia in front of me. And God asked me a question..........'What if that was Hudson, my four year old. Eric what if that was Hudson?"

"You don't mess with the father's heart. What if that was Hudson?!"

"If my boy was sitting on the side of a road across the world from me. Suffering. Totally alone. Not knowing what's happening. He's not old enough to comprehend this. He's abandoned. He has no one to fight for his cause. He can't even articulate his circumstances. He's hungry and no one is feeding him. He's starving to death."

"If my son is in that situation, stick a concrete wall in front of me and I will claw through it with my bare hands. This is MY SON we are talking about. If I couldn't get there, I would call up EVERY friend I have and say 'I have a son over in Liberia and you call yourself my friend? I need you to get on a plane and I need you to get to him. I'll give you the coordinates and I'll do whatever it takes, but I need you to get to him and be a father to him."

"God's response? "Eric, that's MY Hudson."
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My child. My child was over in Congo. My child was over in Congo starving without a mother. Without a father. My child was an orphan and I would claw through a concrete wall to get to her. I would call up every friend I had, I would shout it on Facebook. I would send out letters asking for donations and say.....This is my child and I need your help to get to her. My child is starving. My child is sick...and if you call yourself my friend you will help me get to her. Are you willing to help me get to my child?" 

If my friend, you wrote to me. You called me up and told me you had a child waiting for you.....in the hospital..... or in Congo......or in the foster care system. You had a child and you would do anything to get to him I would ask you....."How can I help you get to him?"  And if I couldn't contribute financially, I would pass on the word. I would buy your coffee or your flowers in your fundraiser. I would do anything I could do to bring home your child because I know that's your son.

And with that my friends, never feel sorry for asking for help. Never feel sorry about the stress in meeting adoption expenses or worrying about making it work. It will work out. With all the stress involved in adoption, worrying about money should be the least of our worries.

After piles of adoption paperwork and raising over $10,000 towards our adoption bills, this is a photo of me getting on an airplane in March of 2012 to go to the Democratic Republic of Congo to finalize the adoption of our twins.

If you need help in fundraising for your domestic adoption, please email me and ask for an application to be a featured family of the week. Currently, we have had many applicants but not many completed applications. Together we will help bring your child home. 

Guest Post: Embryo Adoption

Today's guest post comes from Shannon. An area that we here at Give1 had not even considered when we began fundraising and advocating for adoption was the area of embryonic adoption. It is an amazing avenue for families to consider and Shannon shares more about this below. You can check out her family website at www.roomformorekiddos.com.


I am excited to be invited to post here on Give1Save1! I want to share with you about a domestic adoption avenue that many people do not even know exists. Some have heard of it, but are not sure what it is, what the process looks like or if it is an option that might be right for them or someone they know. I would like to share with you about Embryo Adoption (EA) and if there is interest, I would love to be a guest poster again and share with you more of the process and our journey.

Today though, let’s start with the basics. What is Embryo Adoption/Donation?

Since the 1980's infertile couples have sought the guidance and direction from fertility specialists, called Reproductive Endocrinologists (REs). These REs along with the assistance of specialists called, Embryologists, use modern medical advances to extract eggs from a woman's body to begin a fertility option called Invitro-Fertilization (IVF). After the embryologist harvests the eggs, he/she introduces the man's sperm with the eggs under a microscope. If the sperm fertilizes an egg, then the embryologist incubates the new life. This stage of life is called the embryonic stage and for this post I will refer to these little lives as embryos.

The embryologist along with the RE decide choose some of the created embryos to be transferred to the mother's womb in a procedure called a "fresh IVF cycle". The mother will have undergone hormone treatments to prepare her body to accept these little lives. The other embryos, if seen as good quality to the medical professionals, are then frozen for the couple for later transfers called, Frozen Embryo Transfers (FETs). The couple pays the clinic a yearly storage fee to continue to save the frozen embryos for these later transfers.

So, back to our question, what is Embryo Adoption/Donation?

Some use Embryo Adoption and Embryo Donation interchangeably, though similar in many ways there is a bit of a difference. Embryo Adoption is when one of these families who has undergone IVF procedures and who has frozen embryos decides to search for another family to adopt their embryos they have frozen at a clinic. The family has chosen not to "thaw and discard or donate to science" as many RE clinic contracts read. Instead, the genetic family understands that these embryos are living human lives and as difficult as the thought of another family raising their genetic children, they trust God and they seek out a family in which to place their tiny embryos. The placing family usually wants to know that the family has undergone a home study, been approved by an accredited adoption agency, and is prepared to adopt their embryos. Some Embryo Adoptions are private arrangements through an attorney. The placing parents may want open, closed, or semi-open arrangements with the adopting family.

In Embryo Donation, the placing family places their embryos with a clinic and trusts the clinic or agency to find the best match based on the criteria they put into writing. Embryo Donation can also be made through private avenues, but usually one associates Embryo Donation where the placing family has given their embryos to a clinic to place. In most of these cases, the arrangement is a closed and occasionally a semi open adoption arrangement. There are several agencies, many clinics, and websites that work to match families together and one does not have to be infertile to adopt children as embryos.

I know, you have a lot of thoughts and questions running through your mind. I know Rhea and I did when we first started this journey. We have learned so much about a situation in our country we never knew existed. When we started the EA journey in 2009, there was a reported 500,000 frozen embryos in our country. Quite recently, as I held our precious Sarah, I received an email with the latest numbers. Sadly, the numbers continue to rise. At this time, there are now over 600,000 reported frozen embryos in our country.

Of that number, Rhea and I, through God's great blessing adopted 6 tiny embryos. One survived to be born from my womb. Her name is Sarah Faith. Her story is a beautiful story of God's amazing hand and love. We are in the process of adopting again through Embryo Adoption. Please join us on our adoption journey at our family website www.roomformorekiddos.com where you will also find helpful links to help you learn more about EA.

The Box in the Closet

Searching for my winter sweaters the other day, I came across a box I threw in the back of the closet of old prescriptions, boxes of syringes, and small clear glass vials. The box contains a red medical-grade syringe "sharps" container, full to the brim. It contains a variety of little glass vials both empty and still full.

Keeping a box of old syringes in a closet probably isn't the safest thing in the world, especially when you live in a home with three toddlers. I can't imagine throwing it out. I'm even pretty sure if we moved into a new home tomorrow, next year, or years down the road....the box would follow us to our new home and into the back of a new closet again.

I remember a long time ago when the box was new. I remember walking out of a pharmacy with all of those same syringes and vials and pills new in their packages carried in two large grocery bags. A receipt a mile long trailed behind me. The brown paper bags contained all my hope, right there wrapped up in a convenient package. I didn't know at the time that all my hope at the time might have been in those bags - but my future was not with it.

The box reminded me of how elusive parenthood was for a very long time and how, at the time, I would have never predicted the three littles under our roof today.

Someday I'll share with my kids the story of our family in it's entirety. That story includes how difficult it was for us to conceive. The importance of sharing this truth with our children someday may help them understand our re-directed passion in fighting for them, our willingness to let go of one dream and begin with another, and why adoption became the heart of our family. I hope my daughters can also understand a woman's worth should never be placed on if she can carry her own children.

Parenthood is a blessing, not one that everyone gets to experience, and never to be taken for granted.

The box reminds me of that. So for now, in the closet it stays.

Special Needs Adoption: Trisomy 21 and HIV

For those researching about adoption as well as those who haven't yet selected their adoption path - I would like to share with you some information about adopting a child with special needs. In the adoption world, special needs can include any cosmetic or orthepedic or physical impairments (ex: missing digit, missing ear, cleft palate) to mental and learning disabilities (ex: emotional disability, specific learning disability, mild cognitive disability) to having a diagnosis of a known disease such as HIV or AIDS.

The term "special needs adoption" can be very wide.

Now before you click off this post, and tell yourself, "That's just not for us." I wanted to let you know about an organization that works to assist families who are interested in special needs adoptions, specifically, for children with Down's Syndrome and HIV as well as AIDS. The organization is called Project Hopeful.

HIV and AIDS treatment has come a long way since the early 1990s and the time of Ryan White. Adopting a child with special needs is something that you may have either considered or may be something you aren't comfortable with at all. To learn more about adopting children with special needs such as HIV and AIDS as well as other needs - please check out Project Hopeful's resources on their page. You may find that a special needs adoption is not as scary as it sounds. Project Hopeful also has a link to special needs children already identified and eligible for adoptoin who are currently waiting for families.

Please take a second to watch the Tweetmeyer Family's video below about the truth about HIV and AIDS that they made with their family through Project Hopeful and see their wonderful familily created through adoption.

Managing the Chaos - Life with Three Toddlers

I am new to this whole parenting thing.

There are days when I feel like a total failure. Days when, at dinner time, I look in the fridge and declare it's "breakfast for dinner night" and we eat scrambled eggs and cereal. Days Weeks were I let the laundry pile up and I can't muster the strength to go through it all. Days when my patience is thin and nap-time seems far away.

I'm learning.

One thing I have learned from parenting is to let some things go. As a type-A personality, I want things immediately. It's all or nothing. I've come to realize that life with three toddlers, life post-adoption, does not always go as planned.

It's easy with three kids around the same age to group them as 1. I find myself lumping them together for some things. Let's all watch Elmo. Everyone takes a bath. Jammie time for everybody. You want a snack? Everyone gets a snack. I find, although, the more I lump them together in things the more I don't realize their differences. Sometimes, in the rush to get things done and accomplished, I forget to slow it all down and look at who they are becoming. Noticing their differences.

My youngest girl, for example, just started loving Sesame Street. She has a strong personality and she wants things her way all the time - which is hard, when you're the smallest. She hates getting her hair done but she loves dressing up. I just recently found out she loves painting.

My only boy loves to cuddle. He lugs around a pink bunny rabbit which is actually his sisters but he claimed it as his own. He won't sleep without it. If he is away from his twin sister for even a little bit, he will greet her with a big hug. He struggles with nap-time and bedtime. He loves to play cars but also loves to play with baby dolls.

My oldest girl loves to sing and dance. She recently is totally into Disney princesses. She has a sweet tooth like her mom and loves to spend time with her dad in the vegetable garden. She loves to point out airplanes in the sky and she sings at the top of her lungs in the car during the morning ride to the sitters.

In playing off of their individuality, I've realized that each one of them needs and deserves alone time with their mom and dad. It's not just an "adoption thing." Each one of them values and deserves alone time with mom and dad. It doesn't have to be an entire day, but small moments that let them know they are loved and valued as individuals. This probably comes as "old hat" to veteran parents, but for me, this was a recent revaluation.

So I'm trying to incorporate more alone time with each of them. Taking my son to the grocery store for a quick errand. Taking my daughter to a movie. Letting the oldest stay up an extra hour or two to watch a show on tv with me. Cuddling with one of them during their nap time. Letting one of them work in the garden with dad for a while.....

These are all things I'm trying to do. They are little things, but I know they mean a lot.

Fostering A Family

"I have seven kids - ages 4-27."

I still think it sounds funny when I say that!

When I was in my 20's I gave birth to four absolutely perfect children.  What more could a mommy want?  Fast forward 10 years - I’d been a single mom for a bit and I met a wonderful man with no children.  He was willing to be a step-dad to my four.  What more could a mommy want?  As my four grew up, I couldn't shake the desire to raise my husband’s children - but I’m not able to carry any more.

At first we were infant adoption all the way.  We got all the paperwork and I started thinking about the fact that there’s a waiting list for newborns.  People are lining up for them.  Because I’d already had newborns I didn't feel that need and frankly, as an older mom I didn't know that I had the time to wait.  In foster care, there are literally thousands of children who need homes right now.

We were licensed as foster parents for about a year and a half before we got a placement of siblings whose parental rights were about to be terminated.  It took a year for the adoption to become finalized but as soon as they walked through our front door, they were mine in my heart.

If you've been doing the math, that’s only 6 right?  About a year ago, we learned of a 20 year old young woman who had aged out of foster care without any type of permanency.  She was going to college and working.  We thought it would be nice to help her out.  She ended up needing a place to stay for a few days that summer and she’s been a part of our family ever since.

When I had those four little babies all those years I never imagined my family would end up looking the way it does now.  I've been very blessed!

Failed Placement - Recovered Finances

Adoption is hard. When you are adopting domestically you may go through one match with an expectant mother (or more) before you are able to adopt.

In 2009, my husband and I had a failed placement when trying to adopt domestically. What that means is that, as the adoptive parents, we paid all of our legal fees once we were matched with an expectant mother up until the point of relinquishment. When the child's mother did not relinquish, our adoption was left uncompleted. We had spent approximately over $8,000 in legal fees with our lawyer (we were doing an independent adoption) as well as for our home study. 

Starting over with adoption is difficult after having a failed placement. We knew we had to keep moving forward, but financially, it was difficult as well. At an adoption seminar we attended after our failed placement, we were told by a coordinator that 50% of domestic adoptions would fall through before relinquishment due to the child's parents changing their mind. We thought to ourselves......how many times would this happen? And if so, how could we keep moving forward financially with spent legal fees after each match?

Luckily, we found out that we could recoup some of the funds we had spent on legal fees from our tax refund that year. I often hear of adoptive parents in a similar situation we were in that did not know this was possible. I am no legal or finance expert for sure, but I wanted to make you aware of an option that might work for you as well. Also, with all the chances to the adoption tax refund in recent years, this option might not still be available or available for long for some families. I think it is worth looking into, although, for families who have had a failed placement and may be able to receive some or all of their expenses refunded.

The IRS Form 8839 has additional information about qualified adoption expenses. Read the section under the heading, "Attempted Adoption of US Children." 

For more information about the adoption tax credit, see the IRS Adoption Benefits FAQ as well as the resources at Creating A Family.

Worth The Wait

Like most people that look into adoption.....I can't have babies.

We're infertile.

There. I said it. It's in black and white.

For the longest time I couldn't say it. I wouldn't acknowledge it. I thought that if I acknowledged it, maybe it would be true. A definite set in stone sort of thing. A sort of, I have a uterus yet it's just sort of taking up space sort of thing.

Finding out you have infertility is hard. For me, the hardest parts were knowing that I couldn't do something everyone else seemed able to do. I took for granted the times I pushed family planning back in my mind, in our married lives, because we always seemed to have time later for that talk. But once you realize that you want something you can't have, it's like trying to hold onto wet sand.

I spent a long time and a lot of energy trying to hold onto something I never had.

What I want to say today, to those who are still waiting for their children......whether it is from pregnancy, or adoption, or fostering, or surrogacy, or however you are building your family......is that it's going to be worth the wait.

Pregnancy for us - it never happened. Yet the children I have now in our home are loved more than I ever thought I'd have the capacity to love a person. They didn't come into our family in the way I thought we would have created it, yet I know that they came at the exact time we were supposed to meet. I don't mean to take away from the hurts that are caused by adoption, or those from infertility, but I do know that both our our stories merged in a way that allowed all our hearts to mend. There really is no other way I can describe it.

Does my family look like I had pictured it? Absolutely not. I had no idea what was in store for us when we disembarked the fertility roller coaster to pursue adoption. I also had no idea that the first time I would hold my children wouldn't be in a maternity ward.....but in an airport, and on another continent.

I look at my children now, all three of them and I think........I can't believe you're here. I waited for you for so long. I hope you always know how much we hoped for you. All of you. We just didn't know at time time what all the wait was for.

You were totally, absolutely worth the wait.