Just another reminder to check in and meet our cute little Family of the Week, the Caulk Family! If you haven't yet donated your $1 this week, we sure would love it if you followed the link on their post to donate to help bring home their newest little one. Next, we have a featured post from Jennifer discussing her family's pursuit of an open adoption.
When we first signed up with our agency, we told them that
our preference was to have a semi-open adoption, with all contact with the
birth family to go through the agency. After
we were matched with our first expectant mother, we found our views
changing. As we got to know her, we
could see her in our life, texting, sending emails, etc. Though that match failed, our feelings toward
an open relationship didn't, and we changed our status with the agency.
When we
were matched with Isaac's birth parents, we met them later that week at a
restaurant for a long lunch. We talked a
lot, and part of it was about communication expectations. We told them we were open to have communication
with the directly, but also agreed to send letters and pictures to the agency
several times during his first year.
They were in a time of transition, and were going to move states within
months of Isaac's birth, so everything going to the agency was the best
solution for them.
We
didn't see either of them again until Isaac was born, and even then we only saw
his birthfather briefly, while he stood in the hallway waiting for the nurses
to take her to recovery after the c-section.
Once they went to court to have their parental rights terminated, we
were able to take physical custody of Isaac, but still couldn't leave the state
while
ICPC was getting approved. We
talked to the social worker, and asked her to pass on our willingness to meet
with them before we left for home. They
decided not to meet with us, so our next contact was the letter we sent to the
agency, one month after placement.
We've
written four more letters. All of them
are sitting at the agency.
Unrequested. We'll continue to
write letters, until he's 18 if we need to.
We want Isaac to know we've tried to open communication, so that he
could have a relationship. That was our
promise to him the day they put him in our arms, that we would always support a
relationship with his birth family.
We've
found out through looking at their facebook pages that they indeed did move,
called off their engagement, and his birthfather moved back home. We've struggled with the decision to contact
them on facebook through a message, but what do we say? How do we not pry or offend them? How do you gently try to open up a
relationship, for the sake of your child?
And if it doesn't work, how do you explain it to them when he gets
older?
For now
we just wait, undecided on what to do, and wonder if this closed relationship
will ever be open.
