ORANGE You Ready for a New Robison Video Update?

ORANGE you ready? At the end of this post is the video the Robison kiddos submitted this very morning full of Christmas musical cheer! 

The Robisons need to raise $6,000 to pay the agency and program fees before the adoption is finalized. You still have time to help this family with your $1 donation &/or sharing their adoption video with your friends far and wide. As you so generously drop toys in the Toys for Tots bins, canned goods in the food pantry barrels, and coins in the Salvation Army kettles, won't you consider dropping even just $1.00 in the Robisons' Adoption fund to help bring their babies home? 

1) Follow this link to go to the Robisons' Adoption Video post.

2) Scroll to the video (look for the star) & watch.

3) Return to the original link and look for the Green Donate button under the video.

4) Click the green donate button, enter you $$ amount, enter your Paypal password, and click to send! :)

5) Have a few more seconds to spare?? Forward this post link to everyone you know, share it on FB, Tweet it, Pin it, Blog it, email it, whatever you can do is always helpful to our featured families! Thank you Give1 Save1 followers. You are doing a wonderful thing!

Now... If you are sure you ORANGE ready for an update...

Week 2 Day 3 Update from R&S Robison on Vimeo.

How About a Hobbit Robison Week 1 Update?

These Robison boys are having fun! Here is their end of Week 1 total update video--Hobbit style!Here at Give1 Save1, we know how December can be with recitals, shopping, finals, parties, cookie baking, gift wrapping, and family photo appointments. All of these are fun indeed, but these activities can fill our calendars quickly! The Robisons are in need of  a little over $6,000 to finalize the adoption process. If you haven't had time to see the Robison family's adoption video or get to know more about them, please do so by going HERE. Then, click that DONATE button and Give $1 and then share the link far and wide!



Week One Update from R&S Robison on Vimeo.

Another Video from The Robison Kiddos (Day 4 Total)

Ready for a little Country Christmas update?

If you have not had the opportunity to "meet" the Featured Family of The Week, The Robison Family, and see the amazing video that their sons put together with their friends, please CLICK HERE to see the video and learn about Embryo Adoption, hear some beautiful Christmas music and see what these kiddos did for their family! 

Oh, and while you are at it, remember at Give 1 Save 1 we encourage you to give just $1 by clicking that donate button. It takes just one more click after that and in seconds you are helping this family get closer to bringing their babies home! So hop on over to see this family. Prepare to SMILE!

Here is the promised update video for their Day 4 Give1 Save1 totals... (but don't forget to come back and GO HERE to see their Family Video)

The Robisons know that Embryo Adoption is new to most people, but Shannon and their family are available to answer any questions you may have about this type of adoption. contact them on their blog Room For More.

Day 2 Totals Video for The Robisons!

The Robison children have done it again! Here is another a festive & creative  update for their Day 2 Give1 Save1 Total. We knew you would love seeing this one too!

If you have not had the opportunity to "meet" the Featured Family of The Week, The Robison Family, and see the amazing video that their sons put together, please CLICK HERE to see the video and learn about Embryo Adoption, hear some beautiful Christmas music and see what these kiddos did for their family! You will be BLESSED.

Oh, and while you are at it, remember at Give 1 Save 1 we encourage you to give just $1 by clicking that donate button. It takes just one more click after that and in seconds you are helping this family get closer to bringing their babies home! So hop on over to see this family. Prepare to SMILE!

Here is the promised update video for their Day 2 Give1 Save1 totals... (but don't forget to come back and GO HERE to see their Family Video)

Robison Family Day 1 Total!

The Robison children made and submitted a very creative and cute update for their Day 1 Give 1 Save 1 Total. We knew you would love seeing it.

If you have not had the opportunity to "meet" the Featured Family of The Week, The Robison Family and see the amazing video that their sons put together. 

Please CLICK HERE to see the video and learn about Embryo Adoption, hear some beautiful Christmas music and see what these kiddos did for their family! You will be BLESSED.

Oh, and while you are at it, remember at Give 1 Save 1 we encourage you to give just $1 by clicking that donate button. It takes just one more click after that and in seconds you are helping this family get closer to bringing their babies home! So hop on over to see this family. Prepare to SMILE!

Here is the promised update video... (but don't forget to come back and GO HERE to see their Family Video)



Day One Update from R&S Robison on Vimeo .

Featured Family of the Week: The Robison Family

Together over the past week, our Featured Family, the Caulks raised over $1,000 with the help of the give 1 community towards their adoption expenses! We have a new family we will be featuring from now until Christmas. In the meantime, if you would like to be one of Featured Families of the Week, please drop an email to Bonnie at onesweetworld67(at)gmail(dot)com for an application. We will be back after Christmas to feature some new families who need a little boost to bring their children home. In the meantime.....

Meet our new Featured Family of the Week....The Robison Family!

For the next two weeks, I'd like to introduce the Robison Family to you. This amazing family is hoping to complete a second embryo adoption. This is our first family we have featured that is in the process of completing an embryo adoption, so if you are confused about what exactly this is or why a family would choose this route to create their family.....check out Shannon Robison's info page here.

Rhea and Shannon Robison have been married for over twenty years and are parents to five children. The Robisons have known that adding children to their family through adoption was something they wanted to do. They first pursued domestic infant adoption and international adoption before moving to embryo adoption. Their daughter, Sarah, who was adopted through embryo adoption, was born in 2011. Now the Robison Family is hoping to add one more to their family through a second attempt at embryo adoption.

Like domestic and international adoption, embryo adoption requires a homestudy and background checks. It requires a "match" with birthparents. The journey to adopt an embryo requires much waiting, paperwork, and financing. At Give1, we'd like to help the Robison's move a little closer to the reality of adding their newest little one to their loving family by raising funds during the Christmas season.

Please take a minute to check out the Robison's amazing AMAZING video below that they put great work into. In their video they explain additionally why they have chose to advocate for those pursuing an embryo adoption.

"Well, a couple of months ago, our teenaged boys and their friends from church decided they wanted to produce a video as a gift to their family and to their future adopted brothers and sisters. They spent weeks planning and many hours filming, editing, composing, recording, eating not so healthy munchies, editing some more, and though they did not procrastinate, worked on the project until just hours before the deadline. Always smiling, even through sagging eyelids, these young men came with their Christmas offering. 

We pray that you are blessed by their efforts." ~ The Robison's

Robison Adoption Give 1 Save 1 from R&S Robison on Vimeo.

For the next two weeks we will be featuring The Robisons and we ask that our Give1 community donate $1 (or more) towards their adoption costs. You can donate to the Robison Adoption Fund by clicking the donate button below. Additionally, the Robison Family asks for prayer in this process as well as your social donation of sharing their message.

To find out more about the Robison Family and embryo adoption, you can check out their blog, Room for More Kiddos as well as their info page, What is EA?

From Open to Closed

Just another reminder to check in and meet our cute little Family of the Week, the Caulk Family! If you haven't yet donated your $1 this week, we sure would love it if you followed the link on their post to donate to help bring home their newest little one. Next, we have a featured post from Jennifer discussing her family's pursuit of an open adoption.

When we first signed up with our agency, we told them that our preference was to have a semi-open adoption, with all contact with the birth family to go through the agency.  After we were matched with our first expectant mother, we found our views changing.  As we got to know her, we could see her in our life, texting, sending emails, etc.  Though that match failed, our feelings toward an open relationship didn't, and we changed our status with the agency.

When we were matched with Isaac's birth parents, we met them later that week at a restaurant for a long lunch.  We talked a lot, and part of it was about communication expectations.  We told them we were open to have communication with the directly, but also agreed to send letters and pictures to the agency several times during his first year.  They were in a time of transition, and were going to move states within months of Isaac's birth, so everything going to the agency was the best solution for them.

We didn't see either of them again until Isaac was born, and even then we only saw his birthfather briefly, while he stood in the hallway waiting for the nurses to take her to recovery after the c-section.  Once they went to court to have their parental rights terminated, we were able to take physical custody of Isaac, but still couldn't leave the state while ICPC was getting approved.  We talked to the social worker, and asked her to pass on our willingness to meet with them before we left for home.  They decided not to meet with us, so our next contact was the letter we sent to the agency, one month after placement.

We've written four more letters.  All of them are sitting at the agency.  Unrequested.  We'll continue to write letters, until he's 18 if we need to.  We want Isaac to know we've tried to open communication, so that he could have a relationship.  That was our promise to him the day they put him in our arms, that we would always support a relationship with his birth family.

We've found out through looking at their facebook pages that they indeed did move, called off their engagement, and his birthfather moved back home.  We've struggled with the decision to contact them on facebook through a message, but what do we say?  How do we not pry or offend them?  How do you gently try to open up a relationship, for the sake of your child?  And if it doesn't work, how do you explain it to them when he gets older? 

For now we just wait, undecided on what to do, and wonder if this closed relationship will ever be open.  

Closed Adoption and Birthparent Tracing - Jennifer's Story

Have you taken time to meet our Featured Family of the Week, the Caulk Family? They are in process and trying to raise the last remaining funds for their domestic adoption. Please pop on over when you get a chance and donate $1 this week. (Roman thanks you.) Today's blog post comes from Jennifer and offers an adoptee's perspective into reaching out to a birthparent. A huge hug goes out to Jenn for offering us a window into her life to better understand adoption in our own families.

Growing up, I always knew that I would want to find my birthmother. Because of laws in my state I would have to wait until I was 18, but was reassured by my parents that they supported the search.

My 18th birthday came, I moved into a dorm, started college, and broke up with my high school boyfriend. I wasn't ready to bring the emotion it would take to begin the search, and possibly start a relationship. It wasn't until a year later that I was ready to begin the search.

After calls to my parent's lawyer, my birthmother's lawyer, and the state vital records office, I had a plan. My brithmothers lawyer warned me that though she hadn't talked to her in years, I need to be prepared that she wouldn't want contact at all. That was a blow, but I continued on my search.

The state I was born in, New Mexico, didn't allow me access to my records, instead they had 'intermediaries' that had been trained in confidentially practices and how to legally search. We contacted one off the approved list, Linda, and my parents paid her fee. I knew they always supported me looking for my birth family, but them paying the cost for the search showed me how supportive they truly were. After a few weeks, I received a call from Linda saying that she had found my birthmother, so I should begin writing my letter. She explained that this might be the one and only contact I'll ever have with my birthmother, and I need to put the most important information at the top of my letter (opening lines), because she might not read the whole thing.

I wrote several drafts, each one being edited by Linda for confidentiality purposes. I couldn't write "I'm a sophomore at the University of New Mexico", I had to just say I was in college. I thought that was funny, because I WANTED her to find me, why would info about me be an issue?

Every draft began the same way though I just wanted to say thank you. More than anything I needed her to know how grateful I was for the decision she had made. I didn't know much of our story, just that she was young, and had gotten pregnant by an older man, who was married and had a family. I knew she was sent to New Mexico to live with a relative while she was pregnant, and then flew back to New York. I know it caused a rift in her family. I know I was blessed by it.

Linda sent the letter, and a week or so later, she called me saying it did not go over well. My birthmother called her and was very angry she had been contacted. Linda advised me that all hope was not lost, she might calm down and change her mind. I was discouraged, but at least I could say that I had tried.

Several weeks later, I received another phone call from Linda. My birthmother had contacted her again, apologized, and asked for a way to contact me. She preferred email, so I gave Linda my address and anxiously awaited an email.

The first email came later that night, and we corresponded for several weeks over email. She then asked for my number so she could call. I remember I was walking between classes on campus when she called.

We talked for over an hour that first time. Our conversations were a lot asking questions and giving answers on both our parts. Our relationship grew, though there are still trust issues that have had to be overcome.

Going through the adoption process with our son, it made me think of the type of relationship he would have with his birthparents. Would it be though handwritten letters, or more likely, over email and FaceTime?

How has modern technology influenced the relationship with your child's birth families?

Featured Family of the Week: The Caulk Family

Welcome back! I hope that everyone had a restful and relaxing Thanksgiving holiday with their family. I am excited to let you know that I have gotten many emails from those interested in Featured Family applications over the last few weeks. Through word out mouth, Give1 Domestic is starting to grow, which is very exciting! Now that we are off our short break, we will be introducing two new families between now and Christmas as well as some other opportunities for giving this holiday season. First up.........

The Caulk Family

Scott and Dessie Caulk are waiting to adopt an infant domestically. They have adopted once before, bringing home their first son through international adoption from Kazakhstan in October of 2012 after pursing different routes to bring home a brother for their son Roman, the Caulks got word of a domestic match. The child they were matched with is due 1/23/13!!! The family has been feverishly pulling together the funds to pay off their remaining adoption fees. The Caulks still have $15,000 remaining to raise between now and January.

Roman is excited about the newest addition of a little brother and he would like to share with you some ways you can help below....

Let's help Roman out by sharing this link to the Caulk Family Fundraiser!

You can help the Caulk Family by donating $1 to their adoption fund by clicking below, giving a "social donation" by sharing this post through Twitter and Facebook, and praying for the Caulk Family during this last leg of their adoption process.

Click here to donate to the Caulk Family Adoption Fund.

Gifts that Give this Season and a Link UP!

Tis' the season for folks to gather round the table and exchange gifts. If you are among those scratching your heads trying to find gifts for that hard to buy person (*coughmotherinlawcough*) then consider giving them something that they WEREN'T expecting.

A gift that keeps on giving!

Here are few gifts that give back this holiday season to adoptive families and waiting children...........

147 Million Orphans Gear

Head on over to www.147millionorphans.com to check out super soft tshirts, sweats, necklaces, bracelets, water bottles, and coffee mugs. Profits from the sales of 147 gear go back to programs that assist children in Honduras, Uganda, Haiti, Ethiopia, and China. In addition, the founders Gwen and Suzanne  (also adoptive parents) assist families with fundraising for their adoptions by partnering and selling gear to families at a discounted rate for resale to raise money for their adoptions. 

Personally, I own the tee below as well as almost all of their other tees. They are the softest in my entire wardrobe and I basically live in a 147 tee every weekend. Love them.

147 pink Henley - price $34.99

comes in small, med, large, and xl

Just Love Coffee

Founder Rob Webb understands adoption and the need for orphan care - he is an adoptive parent himself. He came up with the idea of pairing struggling coffee farmers in Ethiopia with families needing to raise funds for their adoptions by creating a company called Just Love Coffee. Families are able to sell coffees wholesale to help raise money for their adoptions and farmers in Ethiopia receive fair wages for their beans. Profits from Just Love Coffees go back to supporting families in the adoption process, families adopting special needs children, as well as orphan support programs. Just Love sells various gourmet coffee beans, mugs, tshirts, and other items.

Bags of coffee start at $12.95/13oz

Gifts of Hope

Show Hope is a Christian non-profit that helps provide financial and spiritual support for families in the adoption process as well as support for children who need care in country. This year they have an online catalog called Gifts of Hope in which you can choose to donate towards the program of your choice in someone's name for the holidays. Causes include supporting families who are in the process of adopting domestically or internationally, post-adoption support programs, providing medical care for orphaned children with special needs, or choosing to send money to the cause with the most urgent need. The recipient of your gift will receive a card outlining the cause in which your donation supported.

Donations start at $15

Lifesong Gifts of Purpose 

Along the same line as the last program, the organization Lifesong for Orphans also has a catalog out titled Gifts of Purpose to help sponsor programs in someone's name for the holidays. Gifts include donations towards families adopting domestically and internationally, coffee mugs and tshirts, donations towards feeding and school programs in Honduras and Ethiopia, and many more. You can choose to either purchase a shirt or mug to give, or make a donation in someone's name and present them with a card outlining where the money will go.

Donations vary by cause and program

Now it's YOUR TURN. If you are an adoptive family or a family who is raising money to support orphaned children this holiday season, LINK UP your fundraiser below. It doesn't matter if you are adopting domestically, internationally, or if you are raising money for a feeding program or school uniforms....LINK IT UP! We'd love to see what others are doing this holiday season and get as many gift ideas as we can. Let's continue the season of giving!

*Remember also to share this page with others who are looking for ways to give back this holiday season!

Link up your adoption fundraiser below and share with others!

Pumpkin Bread Fundraiser Follow-up :)

Several of our readers were curious how our current fundraising efforts were going.  I posted to our blog with all the details in THIS post. I encourage those of you who are thinking of adopting, but don't possibly see how you will EVER afford it, to focus on the Lord who will provide, focus on the child(ren) you are to adopt, and press on! I hope each of you are enjoying decorating and preparing to celebrate this CHRISTmas season!!

I am determined to include this centerpiece this year at our home I found the other day online. I love it! Well, I must get everyone in gear...We are off to do family photos today. ; )

  Shannon

Happy Thanksgiving!

It's that time of year when we sit back and say thanks for all of the blessings in our lives. This year, we are happy to have all of our children home for the holidays. Although our adoption journey is completed, we are happy to begin all the new adventures involved with parenting our three energetic little toddlers.

I am immensely thankful for the opportunity Beth gave me to spearhead our new domestic blog to help families who are in the process of raising funds for their own adoptions. In this way I'm able to give back to families who are in the process of creating their own families. Give1 was one of things that helped us bring home our own children and I'm more than happy to help other families come together through adoption as well. 

We will be taking a short break for the Thanksgiving holiday from regular posting and we will be back on November 26th with a new featured family of the week.

If you are interested in being a featured family or becoming a regular or guest contributor for our blog, please drop me an email over my break this week. We are always looking for voices from all parts of the adoption triad to contribute.

From our family to yours, Happy Thanksgiving! 

Guest Post: I Was Wrong

Today's guest post comes from the blog Word From the Wallaces. The original post can be found here. Lindsy is a parent of two biological children and two children through foster care. In addition, the family is also waiting for a little boy through international adoption! 



Our foster care social worker makes a visit to our house once a month to see how we are doing as a foster home. She is assigned to look after us; the boys and their mother have another worker assigned to look after them and work towards the goal of reunification.

Our worker, we’ll call her “Susan”, was here last week and we were talking about how understaffed the department is. SO understaffed, she almost called us about a baby. A baby with a “concurrent” goal. (For those of you not in the foster care world, the term “concurrent” means they are working towards adoption for this baby.) Did I mention we're talking about a BABY?

Susan knows we are not in the place to adopt a baby. Susan knows we have our "hands full". Susan knows we have a little boy in the Congo coming home soon-ish. But she had no one else to call. “All of our homes are full.” she told me. “We don’t have enough homes – even for babies.”

Do those words stop you in your tracks? Not enough homes? For babies? In Kentucky?

Say What!?!

William and I never intended to become foster parents. We never even considered adopting domestically. The thought literally never crossed our minds.

Do you ever speak words that come back to haunt you? I did once. Ok, a few times, but at least once on this very topic.

The day before "T" and "M" came to live with us I attended Created for Care, a retreat/conference for adoptive moms. I was speaking with a woman whose family had been praying about starting the journey of adopting from Ethiopia. She asked me a question I could tell had been on her mind for some time. She asked me how I answer people who want to know why we are adopting from Africa and not “here”. Here being in the US.

I gave my wise Christian answer (insert sarcasm here) - we prayed about it and feel like God has our children in Africa... and then I told her the need is greater there. Kids in the US have roofs over their heads, clothes on their backs and food in their tummies. Their parents are not dying of AIDS at alarming rates and they are not dying themselves of dirty water. Simple. The need is greater. I. Spoke. Those. Words.

Friends, I was wrong. Hear me. I. WAS. WRONG.

While yes, children in Africa (or Russia or India or Haiti) are more likely to be on the streets in the only shirt they own begging for food and living in a cardboard box because their parents are dead or sick, the effect parentlessness has on them is NO GREATER than the effect of parentlessness on vulnerable children right “here”.

Dr. Purvis says “their brains are different”. Kids from "hard places" - their brains are different. The reason their brains are different is because of the lack of nurturing they received prenatally and during the first few years of their lives.

Their brains are different because no one nurtured them.

No one met their needs.

No one loved them.

There are six risk factors that put a child into this category: difficult pregnancy, difficult birth, early hospitalization, abuse, neglect and trauma. (Certainly malnutrition plays a critical role and can have dramatic affects on development but a child who was hungry and nurtured will be better off than a child who had a full belly but no nurture.)

When T and M came to live with us I was SHOCKED to see the exact same behaviors we had read about and come to expect from our little one coming to us from an orphanage in a third world country. In my naive mind they would be "normal". They had a roof, clothes and food. (most of the time) They even had a parent. I thought they would be a little shaken up but fair pretty well.

I was wrong.

Their brains are different BUT their needs are the same. The same as children in Africa. Children in Russia, India and Haiti. The need for lovers of Jesus to fight for them is the same.

When we went through foster care training over the summer our instructor shared statistics that were startling to me at the time. I just didn't know:

246 kids in foster care ages 0 - 5
118 kids in care ages 6 - 11
344 kids in care ages 12 - 19
50 kids in care ages 19 - 21 (this number may be the saddest as these kids are holding out to the very last minute for a family to call their own)

Nearly 800 kids are in foster homes in Jefferson County.  800 kids. Ironically, in the state of Kentucky there are 800 KIDS READY TO BE ADOPTED. Did you know that? Six months ago, I did not.

There are a lot of myths regarding foster care and adopting from the foster system. Unfortunately, the only stories that receive media attention are ones where a birth parent shows up years later and demands their kid back. Or stories of kids who linger in the states care for years and years. While these things do happen, they are not the norm in Kentucky. More importantly, the system may be broken, but God is sovereign.

No one reading these words is immune from receiving a phone call today that will change their life. Your life. My life. We are not in control. Of anything. Biological kids, internationally adopted kids, foster kids.They all belong to Him.

Did you know...
Did you know adopting from foster care is essentially free? FREE.

Did you know biological parents have no way of gaining back custody of their children once parental rights are terminated? NO. WAY.

Did you know children enter foster care through no fault of their own? They are victims of the adults who were supposed to take care of them.

Did you know in the state of Kentucky the Safe Families for Children Act prevents kids from lingering in the system?

Did you know you are provided a per diem to care for the foster kids in your home? Did you know this per diem continues for most children even after they have been adopted? Did you know kids from foster care can go to any state college for free?

Did you know you can take your foster kids across state lines, enroll them in daycare and have babysitters?

Did you know you will get attached?
And it will be hard?
It will.

In the paraphrased words of Amy Monroe "You can handle getting attached and getting hurt. You're an adult. You can handle it. They are kids."

These kids you are afraid of loving too much - they are dying for someone to love them like that. While they are not dying from poverty, disease or hunger, their needs are the same.

If you'd like to learn more about adopting from foster care in KY visit the KY Department for Family Services. If you are interested in foster care or adoption in another state visit Focus on the Family.

My prayer is that this post would shine a light on the needs of children right "here". Please contact me if you have questions about our experience or if I can help you prayerfully begin the journey of foster care. lindsy.wallace AT gmail DOT com

Fundraising for Adoption Is Possible in Our Current Economic Climate!

Beth asked if I would do a post about fundraising ideas. I told her I would love to share with you what we have done in the past to help raise money for our past and current adoptions!

In our country's current state of debt, unemployment, and uncertainty on so many issues, one might ask, "Why adopt under these current domestic conditions?" In the book of Jeremiah, God told his people who had been taken into exile by the Babylonian king what He called them to do. "Build houses and live in them; plant gardens and eat their produce. Take wives and have sons and daughters; take wives for your sons, and give your daughters in marriage, that they may bear sons and daughters; multiply there, and do not decrease. But seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the Lord on its behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare." Jer. 29:4-7 ESV

(our Sarah who was adopted as an embryo. She had been frozen since 1999)

We as Americans have not been taken away into exile, but as Christians, we see things happening in our country that we have never seen before in our lifetime. We see in this passage that God call us to "multiply there, and do not decrease". Well, adoption fulfills that command. 

The next question I hear is, "How are we supposed to raise $15,ooo, $25,000, or $40,000 to adopt a child in this economic situation? How did you do it?"

Our first response is that we trust our Lord that He will provide every last dime that we need in His timing alone. I have learned a lot through fundraising. I have grown in my faith and as we saw the quarters, dollars, donations, and gifts trickle in during our last adoption, we as a family, grew in our trust, we learned how wrong it is to be anxious, we learned patience,  and we found immense joy in seeing God work through our entire adoption. 

Do not be anxious, do not doubt. These are His children He is entrusting into your care to raise to know Him. Trust in that truth. That should excite you to get up, gather your friends and family and see how He will bless your efforts. 

Now, not every fundraiser brought "grand" numbers and one fundraiser may bring in a small amount for one, but a generous amount for another. Do not be discouraged if your fundraiser only brings a few dollars. God will honor your efforts!  One season during our last adoption, we hosted a garage sale, we made only a couple of hundred dollars I believe. I admit, I was discouraged. Through other fundraising and donations, we had all that we needed in the end, or so we thought. Then, an unexpected adoption expense of $3,000 came up. My husband suggested a garage sale. Might I say, that I was NOT AT ALL excited about this. However, my husband was, our children were, our friends were, and in turn the Lord grew me so much in those few weeks preparing for the sale. The total you ask? In 3 days our garage sale brought in $3,000! So, do not dismay. Do not be afraid to try something again you have tried in the past. Be diligent & be joyful. It is contagious!

Here is a list of fundraisers, in no particular order, we have done in the past, are in the process of doing currently, or plan to do in the near future. 

• Garage & Yard Sales 
• Homemade Pumpkin Bread Sales & Delivery
• Homemade Cookie Dough Sales & Delivery
• Buying things at garage sales or donations from friends and sell on eBay
• Selling items for others on eBay/Craigslist- fee to me 25% of sales price
• Just Love Coffee eStore
• Pampered Chef online Catalog Show 20-20% of sales donated
• Giveaway Raffle with donated items and gift cards bought with credit card rewards points
• Entering a video to Give1Save1 to be the featured family of the week
• Finding items at garage sales that will sell for a good profit on eBay

Now these are fundraisers that like I said, are things we have tried or will be trying. I know there are many others and we would love for you to share links and comments to share your ideas. Once of my embryo adoption friends hosted a Parents' Night Out with movies, snacks and games. They charged a flat fee per child. It was a great success! I will list many other ideas in a future post.  

The final question? "How do I do "x" fundraiser? I want it to be successful as it can be?" I plan on sharing with you how to do just that. I will give you details on making the most of each fundraiser you do in future posts. 

If money is the only thing keeping you from moving forward with adopting a child or children, may I encourage you to trust the Lord will provide and find a fundraiser or two that you can get excited about and go for it!

Would you like to see what we are currently doing to raise money to bring our 8 little babies to our clinic for a Frozen Embryo Transfer this spring? Here you go. I look forward to hearing ideas from all of you!

Love,

Shannon  

our blog: Room for More

Our FB Page

Transracial Parenting - Perceptions vs. Reality

It was a friend who first got me thinking about adopting outside of my race.

Sitting down with her, she asked me if I had considered adopting an African American child. The friend speaking to me, was black herself. And I thought......how do I tell her I'm scared to adopt outside of my race?

Opening up your family to an adoption outside of your race means a few things that you might not have considered when you first began pursuing adoption. For me, it meant that I was going to have to rethink how I had pictured my family in my mind.

I was going to have to realize that there was going to be more to parenting that what I might have intended in the beginning. It meant that I was opening up my family to fierce perceptions from the outside world. It meant that, in just walking by my family, strangers would immediately know our child was adopted. It meant that the things that are passed down through heritage - how you learn to care for your child, would need to be unlearned and relearned for me.

I was scared of how our family would be perceived from complete strangers. I was scared of how I would be perceived by another race. Was I taking care of my child the "correct" way? Could I care for her hair correctly? Skin? Would I be good enough for her that I would not be approached in public and scorned for my lack of knowledge?

My friend got me thinking of the way I pictured our family, and that turned out to be a good thing. We did, in fact, adopt outside of our race not once but THREE times after that conversation. I found out that things like haircare and skincare could be learned. That, like most moms, babies didn't come with a manual and I had time to learn about my child the same way all mothers do - regardless of whether they adopted or birthed their child. I learned that I had time to figure some all things out.

In the meantime, I also learned that there were some things I could never teach my daughter. I could never know, for instance, what it is like to be another race outside of what I am. No matter how hard I try to be the best parent for my kids, I will never be black. I can't be. And therefore, I had to admit that I can't be all things for my children. There will be things I cannot understand and during those times I will empathize and I will make sure that my children have strong black role models and friends they can rely on for those lessons. There will be times I will need to humble myself and turn to a friend and ask for help.

I'm lucky to live in an area in which we aren't perceived much differently. In our community we have families of many colors and types. Our schools, neighborhoods, and workplaces are diverse. We are lucky to have made friends with others who are different races and our children have friends who are black, white, and biracial. I am very glad that they will grow up in a community that supports all families.

In the meantime, we're a family regardless of our colors on the outside. We are learning what it's like to be a transracial family in a world that is becoming increasingly more diverse. I'm incredibly glad that my fears of becoming a mixed race family were absolutely nothing like my expectations.

Book Review: Adoption is a Family Affair

One thing I looked for when I was beginning the adoption process was books… lots and lots of books on adoption.  So this post will be a review about a book that I really liked. My guess is that people will either love it or hate it. The book is "Adoption is a Family Affair" by Patricia Irwin Johnston. I had read on a blog somewhere that the adoptive family bought this book for every member in their extended family. I was curious, so I ordered one off of Amazon (because Barnes and Noble severely lacks adoption books in my town).

The book is very thin and a quick read. The book spends a lot of time discussing fears that family members may have when an adoption occurs, such as: race, disability, open adoption, cost, wait, and many other topics. It more importantly discusses things that should NOT be said to the parents.  Some chapters you'll be able to skim right over because they will not apply to your particular situation, while other chapters you'll want to photocopy and mail out to everyone you know.

Overall, I thought this book was very good for my family in-particular because we have not dealt with an adoptive situation on my side, although my husband’s  family had.  (But they still got a copy also!) Along with this book we sent a "Family Letter" indicating how we got to the point of adoption (our families were not told about our fertility issues for a long time) and how we intended to raise and educate our daughter in relation to her adoption. It was important for us to indicate to our families that WE would decide what she would know and when, and that we wholly expected them to abide by our wishes (although I did not think it would be a problem... just an "in case" clause of sorts). I find that anything that educates my family and friends about adoption is a plus, and I'll gladly get the information to them.

This book is also good for those thinking about adoption. It raises questions that your family members may have about the situation that you might not have considered. Adoption is a big change for everyone involved, and this book attempts to serve as a guide through some of the potential problem areas.  The world of adoption can be very confusing for those on the outside – this book helps to make the path a little clearer.

(I was not compensated for this review… I just really liked the book and found it helpful.)

National Adoption Month

As we begin November, we leave all the pink ribbons behind in October.  Everyone knows what they represent and honor.  You can buy you're cereal with a pink ribbon on it, and even the NFL players are willing to wear pink one day a month.   Now that the month is behind us, the pink doesn't seem to be plastered everywhere.  However, do you know that November is known for something too, it's National Adoption Month.

There was quite the conversation that many of my friends on Twitter had.  Many of them had been touched by adoption, either as an adoptive mother or a birth mother.  It was during that conversation that my opinion about this being a 'special adoption month' changed.  Many times, this month is seen as a celebration, however this celebration often leaves out one critical part of the adoption triad.  Though the adoptive parents are beyond thrilled to celebrate the addition's to their family, it ignores the third side of the adoption triad, the birth families.  Though they may celebrate the life their child has, their pain and grief are mostly ignored for this month.

Our family has chosen not to celebrate this month anymore than we celebrate each day Isaac is in our life.  Instead, our goal is to bring awareness to all the many different aspects and types of adoption.   Though our family chose to adopt domestically through an agency, there is also foster to adopt, and kinship adoption, and private adoptions that happen.  These are each important and special types of adoption, often clouded by assumptions and misinformation by the general public.

As we go through this month, I think of Isaac's birthmother.  She's on my mind often, but the frequency increases when he hit's milestones and around holidays.  I think of how no one in her family knows what a brave woman she is, putting her son's life above her own feelings.  The only person that knows about the adoption is Isaac's birthfather, who lives several states away from her.  I often pray that the hurt and grief will become lessened  and that she will be able to find joy, no matter how small, in Isaac's life.  Though we don't have contact with his birth family at this time, I am lucky to know several birth moms.  They have each opened my eyes to the daily struggle and joy that they feel.  I am grateful for my friendship with them, because  they have made me much more aware and sensitive to the third, and often forgotten, side of the adoption triad.  

May you think of them too, and honor them with me.

The Fundraising Question

Adoption is expensive. Ask anyone that has done one. They will go into figures that they spent on homestudies, expenses for background checks, how they gathered together funds for submitting their profiles, or how they scratched up money for agency fees.

In a non scientific poll I've taken since 2009, which basically includes talking to random people about adoption, I find that many people say they would like to adopt....but don't have the funds to begin. OR they state that they'd love to adopt, but it's too expensive.

In the meantime we have children across the country and the world aging out of foster care. We have children going without food and adequate healthcare. We have children who will transition from foster care to foster care, or orphanage, or group home....who will never know what it's like to have a mother or a father.

And we're worried about the cost.

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After our failed match which was our first, and only, attempt at adopting domestically my husband and I began pursuing international adoption. In doing so we did a few fundraisers. We sold off some items on ebay we didn't really need. We sold coffee. We sold a few flowers. We did some fundraising things here and there...

In the meantime, we took a loan out against our car. Those checks that come in the mail which you can take loans out on your credit card? We maxed out not one but two of our credit cards. All of these things in the attempt to stay on top of agency bills which, in the end, totaled up over $32,000.

Our daughter came home, and we were finally a family of 3. After the adoption we could submit for the tax refund with the IRS to help with the adoption costs. Luckily, my husband also had a small adoption benefit at his work to also support our bills.

But the bills......the bills were large. They were no longer bills from our adoption agency. They were now bills from credit card companies.



I tell you this not to discourage you from adoption. Adoption is how our family was created and for that I am eternally grateful. I tell you this to encourage you to look beyond the expenses. I tell you this because, for the majority of people, there is no stuffed mattress of money or savings accounts to deplete to bring a child into your family and adopt. For the great majority of us in the USA, we are just trying to pay our bills.

It's for those reasons that I tell potential adoptive parents, whether they are adopting from foster care, international adoption, or domestic adoption - to jump in HEAD FIRST into fund raising and adoption grants.

My husband and I, we felt guilty asking others to contribute to our adoption fund. We asked ourselves, should we even fund raise at all? We shuddered at sending out letters of support to our family and friends. We had some people we knew contributed to our adoption fund, and some that didn't contribute at all. Those that couldn't contribute financially, we asked them to provide "social" donations by telling their friends about our fundraisers via twitter, email, or facebook. We had some people participate with that.....and others who didn't. Did we feel guilty? Yes. Did we feel as if we were a burden to others? Yes.

Then I had an awakening. I watched this video by Eric Ludy. The quote that resonated with me is this....

"I was doing some study on Liberia  If you want to be disturbed, start studying Liberia  This four year old boy sitting on the side of a road. No one to comfort. No one to take him in. No shelter. No food. Nothing. So in the middle of that night, I wake up. It's like God had already deposited a question that was waiting to meet me when I popped awake at 2 in the morning. I had this picture of this little boy in Liberia in front of me. And God asked me a question..........'What if that was Hudson, my four year old. Eric what if that was Hudson?"

"You don't mess with the father's heart. What if that was Hudson?!"

"If my boy was sitting on the side of a road across the world from me. Suffering. Totally alone. Not knowing what's happening. He's not old enough to comprehend this. He's abandoned. He has no one to fight for his cause. He can't even articulate his circumstances. He's hungry and no one is feeding him. He's starving to death."

"If my son is in that situation, stick a concrete wall in front of me and I will claw through it with my bare hands. This is MY SON we are talking about. If I couldn't get there, I would call up EVERY friend I have and say 'I have a son over in Liberia and you call yourself my friend? I need you to get on a plane and I need you to get to him. I'll give you the coordinates and I'll do whatever it takes, but I need you to get to him and be a father to him."

"God's response? "Eric, that's MY Hudson."
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My child. My child was over in Congo. My child was over in Congo starving without a mother. Without a father. My child was an orphan and I would claw through a concrete wall to get to her. I would call up every friend I had, I would shout it on Facebook. I would send out letters asking for donations and say.....This is my child and I need your help to get to her. My child is starving. My child is sick...and if you call yourself my friend you will help me get to her. Are you willing to help me get to my child?" 

If my friend, you wrote to me. You called me up and told me you had a child waiting for you.....in the hospital..... or in Congo......or in the foster care system. You had a child and you would do anything to get to him I would ask you....."How can I help you get to him?"  And if I couldn't contribute financially, I would pass on the word. I would buy your coffee or your flowers in your fundraiser. I would do anything I could do to bring home your child because I know that's your son.

And with that my friends, never feel sorry for asking for help. Never feel sorry about the stress in meeting adoption expenses or worrying about making it work. It will work out. With all the stress involved in adoption, worrying about money should be the least of our worries.

After piles of adoption paperwork and raising over $10,000 towards our adoption bills, this is a photo of me getting on an airplane in March of 2012 to go to the Democratic Republic of Congo to finalize the adoption of our twins.

If you need help in fundraising for your domestic adoption, please email me and ask for an application to be a featured family of the week. Currently, we have had many applicants but not many completed applications. Together we will help bring your child home. 

Adoption As a Plan B: Jen's Story

                For us, the transition from trying to have a biological child to starting the adoption process took several months.  I’m sure that others move from plan A to plan B faster and for others it may take years to make that transition.

                I think a key part of it for us was we had already started talking about adoption long before we even started fertility treatments.  I understand that not everyone who adopts struggled with fertility, but we did.  However, being adopted, it was always something close to my heart and a conversation my husband and I had early on in our relationship.  The conversation went “let’s have a few of our own and adopt one or two, and have one huge, loving family”.

                After doing several rounds of fertility treatments, we were emotionally exhausted and I felt like my body was close to done.  With each treatment, after 10-12 days of doing injectable hormones, I would skip a day after trigger and then start taking an injectable blood thinner during my two-week wait.  Eventually, I would get a positive pregnancy test, they would take betas, the numbers would rise, then the numbers would fall, and I would miscarry.  We called this point in the process “Beta Hell”.  Then, we would start the whole process over.  The only time during the months that I wasn't injecting something in my body was while I was waiting to miscarry through cycle day 3 when we would start the new round. 

                In December 2009, we were in the midst of our fifth cycle.  Between the hustle and bustle of the holidays and being in beta hell, my husband and I decided that after this cycle was done, we could only go through beta hell one more time.  If that meant I got pregnant next cycle, then it would be our last, or if it took 3 more cycles to get pregnant, that’s when we would call it quits.  As we were getting dressed up to go out and celebrate our 5^th anniversary with dinner and tickets to the Nutcracker (my favorite part of the holidays), we got the call that the beta they had drawn that morning had fallen.  This pregnancy was over.  Needless to say, I enjoyed a glass of wine with dinner that night as we put on our brave faces, ignored the pain, and celebrated our five years together.

                After the new year we started what we knew could be our last cycle.  Just like my body had done the last 4 cycles, my two-week wait ended with rising betas…and then falling betas.  When we went in to meet with the reproductive endocrinologist I explained, through tears, that I just couldn't do it again. I couldn't go on the rollercoaster ride.  We had such a kind doctor who understood our decision. 

                For several months, we didn't talk about babies.  We each had to deal internally with the new knowledge that we would not have biological children of our own.  I grieved the fact that I would never know what it would feel like to have a baby move inside of me, or to look in my child’s face and see pieces of my husband and me combined. 

                Slowly, during those months, we stopped thinking about the treatments that had failed and started remembering how good it was to be ‘us’.  Us before the treatments; before the monitoring appointments, injections before bedtime, and timed intercourse.  We started laughing together again, and my husband started being silly.  For so many months, he had walked on eggshells around our house, not knowing what he might say that would turn his hormone-infused wife into a blubbering mess of tears.  Those days were past us and we could enjoy each other.  I remember that spring being extra warm so the pool in our neighborhood opened up a few weeks earlier than normal.  We decided to go up and swim.  It was that day that in my mind, we were back to ‘us’.  I will forever remember laying on the lounge chairs next to Travis, both with our eyes closed, enjoying the sun shining on us.  He reached over and grabbed my hand and said, “I love our life”.  For me, that was the defining moment.  No matter what we had gone through, no matter how we were going to build our family, he was with me, holding my hand for the long haul.  That was what I needed to hear.

                Within a week or so we started talking about the next steps we wanted to take.  We got information from several adoption agencies and met with a social worker from one of them.   We started filling out that agency’s short application in early May.  It only took us about 4 months to be able to move from our plan A to plan B, but that was very valuable time to us.  We needed those months, free of the stress of fertility treatments and absent of the stress that would come with the adoption process in the coming months.

                If I have any advice for couples thinking about adoption, particularly after they have been doing fertility treatments, is to take some time.  It doesn't have to be a whole lot of time, but you and your spouse probably would benefit from putting some distance between the end of fertility treatments and the beginning of the adoption process.  I believe that many agencies (like ours) feel this way too, because they often request that couples either do treatments, or pursue  adoption, but not simultaneously.   Both events are so taxing on your emotions, so don’t make either one any harder than then it needs to be!